


INTRICATE

by kaylenpastarr



Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-05-22 18:42:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 43,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6090472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaylenpastarr/pseuds/kaylenpastarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A BQ sequel. Although can be read as a separate story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

"So have you spoken to him lately?" my mom's voice trailed down the phone, causing me to sigh at the mention of him. 

"Nope, nothing more than the usual" I huffed. "But that's just the norm now, I guess." 

I looked over at the small child sleeping peacefully in his bassinet, feeling a slight twinge of sadness rush over me at the thought of him missing out on seeing his father. It had been just over 6 months since James was born, and Brian had only seen him around five times. During my pregnancy, things became more than tough, especially on the terms of my relationship with Q. He became a lot more busy with his job, so much that some days we'd barely speak one full sentence to one another. And during a time like being pregnant with your first child, you would expect at least a little more support. I didn't necessarily blame him, because that was his life. It was just hard to accept that both of our lives had to be heading in completely different directions at a time where we were going to be bound together by becoming parents. Instead of getting closer, we started to drift apart. Luckily, our break up was never on the worst of terms, although that didn't seem to help matters so much, considering there was always an empty feeling, perhaps an incomplete one- Like I had my little family right there in front of me, to have it disappear before it even began.

"Not even to check up on little J?" She questioned.

"Well, yeah, he does that. A few texts here and there, But.." 

"It's not the same as him physically being there, I know. I've been there, honey. When your father used to work away, I used to get so incredibly lonely." 

"It's not really about me missing him, though. I guess I just feel guilty. I don't want James to grow up not knowing who is father is, you know?" 

"Oh, don't say that. He'll always know." 

"Will he, though?" 

"Jess, if you're that worried about it, I think it's about time that you spoke to him. Like really spoke to him. No more of the small talk that you've had since the break up. Being honest is the only step to making things get better." 

She was right, I had to tell him about how I felt. I just didn't know how to. He wasn't my boyfriend anymore, so it was hard to know if he'd even listen to me if I were to tell him what to do- or at least suggest what to do. But hopefully he would for his sons sake. 

"I guess. Well, I should probably try and call him, see if he picks up" I sighed, not looking forward to what was to come in that phone call.

"Okay, let me know how it goes. I love you" 

"Love you too." I said, putting the phone down. 

I was glad that I had my mother back in my life again, after the reality of my pregnancy kicked in, we decided to put our differences behind us, especially when Q and I broke up, she was my main support system, helping me out with the baby even on days where I just didnt want to get out of bed. The truth is, I missed Brian terribly. We never broke up because we fell out of love, we broke up because the relationship didn't have the time for investment. And I was almost certain that that's what made it so hard for me to talk to him. Because I didn't know how to talk to him without feeling that painful sinking feeling in my chest. I couldn't even begin to try to just be his friend. It was always so hard for me to understand what you do with the love for someone that you can no longer express it to. Where does it go? Because it sure as hell didn't just easily go away. 

Scrolling through my contacts, stopping on his name, I hovered my thumb above the screen, mustering up the courage to click the call button. James slowly babbled in his sleep, causing me to look up at the tiny human snoozing away, when the courage finally came to me. This was about him - not my feelings. James deserved to have him in his life more, and it wouldn't hurt me to at least try. 

Holding the phone up to my ear, I listened as the call got picked up.

"Hello?" The familiar voice echoed through the line. My mouth instantly went dry, not realizing that I hadn't thought through what I even wanted to say. 

"Hi." Was all I could manage to say.

"What's up, is everything okay?" He asked, sounding almost concerned. Probably just confused as to why I was calling him randomly, after so long of a few worded texts.

"Everything is fine" I smiled small. "I just.. I, uh.." 

"You sure? You don't sound too good" 

"I'm sure. I'm just trying to figure out how to word this. Are you busy?" I asked.

"I was just heading into work, why?" 

"Oh..then never mind" 

"No, tell me." He replied, sounding like he genuinely had interest in what I was going to say.

"Just, when are you free next? I would really like to talk to you. About James" 

"Actually, I was headed out to L.A. for comic con, I was gonna hit you with a text to see if you wanted to take J? I saw a batman suit that would fit him, so at this point it would be wrong if we didn't" 

I chuckled down the receiver, feeling the warmth inside me listening to him ramble on about his nerd things once again, but more about the fact that he obviously thinks about J more than I thought. Maybe I should have thought about it from both sides of the story. He had to work, his contract says so. There was also three thousand miles between us. Maybe it was just as hard on him as it was on me? 

"Uhm, sure. I guess that would be nice." I smiled once more, not wanting to sound too happy about hanging out with my ex boyfriend, even though the thought of spending time with him made me feel more uplifted.

"I have to go, but I'll call you tomorrow when I get to L.A.. Kiss J for me." He said, receiving a goodbye from me also. He seemed rather upbeat today, which made me feel a little more comfortable. However also made me feel a little down that he was pretty obviously getting on so well in life while I had to struggle on my own. I just hoped that expressing my feelings wouldn't end in more distance..


	2. 2

Sliding one last wipe over the counter, I looked around the kitchen that I had finally finished cleaning and felt relieved that it was finally clean after what had seemed like hours of scouring. Q had called when he landed in L.A. earlier this morning, telling me that he would be round in the early evening after he had finished with his day at comic con. I wanted everything to be as neat as it could be, I wanted him to know that I was doing a great job at being a mother to his child, although secretly I always felt like I could do better. But I'm sure any new mother would feel the same way. 

It was around 4pm, and I heard a car pull up outside my block of apartments, peaking out the window to see Q hop out, I instantly felt a little panicked and went to give myself a once over in the mirror quick before he ended up at the door. 

Opening the door, I came face to face with the guy that I just wanted to embrace in a huge hug, but instead we settled with the odd awkward hello greeting as I stepped back to let him in, realizing he had a duffel bag in hand.

"Planning on robbing the place?" I joked, motioning my eyes to his bag, he looked down to then later get the joke and chuckled slightly in response.

"No, no, just haven't figured out where to stay yet." He replied.

"So you've just been randomly carrying a bag of clothes around with you all day? Hmm, I don't buy it.." I said, smirking. He clearly knew that he had a place to stay, and he wouldn't want to go through the fuss of staying in a hotel when he knew he'd always be welcome here, maybe even pulling the dad excuse if I were to turn down his hint.

"That obvious?" He smiled.

"I know a hint when I see one. As long as the couch seems appealing to you, anyhow." 

"Anything is better than being alone in a hotel room." He sighed. I almost felt for him, he had to be lonely traveling by himself always. There would be no one to share the experiences with, no one to sit and talk to at night time. Loneliness is one of the worst feelings in the world, so if I could spare him from feeling that way for at least a few minutes, then that was what I was going to attempt. As we walked into the living room, Brian came face to face with his son sitting in his swing. I watched as both of their faces lit up as they noticed one another. "Hey little guy" Brian cooed as he walked over to the small child, reaching his arms out and under his armpits to pick him up, resting a smiling James on his side. His chubby cheeks smiling as big as I had ever seen, making me feel so much better after always having the worry in the back of my mind that he wouldn't remember his father after seeing him so little. 

"Look who it is" I smiled at him, grabbing his small hand as Brian bobbed him up and down slightly. His transition from never wanting children, to completely doting on his child when he was around was such a natural thing, like he was born to be a father. Seeing him around James always left me confused as to why he never wanted a family in the first place. "Do you want to feed him whilst I order some dinner for us?" I asked, recieving a confused glance in response. 

"Me feed him?" He pointed to himself, as if I had worded the question wrong.

"That's what I asked?" I asked back, confused by his answer. 

"I thought you, you know.. Did your thing?" His question making me instantly burst out into laughter. Acknowledging that a breast was used for anything other than sexual purposes seemed foreign to him.

"He's actually eating now. Like baby food."  

"Oh" he replied, looking confused, before looking at his sons face. "Kinda missing out on a lot, aren't I bud?" He spoke those words to James, in a slight baby voice, a voice I had only ever heard him use on his cats. No matter the tone, he did seem genuine. I could tell by the look on his face as he looked at his son that he really did know that he was missing out on an awful lot of his life. He had already changed so much, and he was about to start doing all of his firsts, and I wanted nothing more than for Brian to at least see one of those. 

"Pass him here" I said, holding my hands out for Brian to place James into my hands, his own hand running over mine in the process, sending goosebumps up my arm. I had definitely missed his touch. 

Placing him into his chair before strapping him in, I then reached into the cupboard, pulling out a jar of baby food before grabbing a spoon, turning around and handing them both to Brian. 

"Do I just give him the whole thing or..?" The confusion returning to his voice as he slid a chair along the floor, positioning it closer to James before sitting on it.

"Just give him as much as he wants, but only small spoonfuls" I smiled, watching his face. He was trying so hard to do everything right, but at the same time worried that James was as delicate as a doll. It was kind of cute how into being a parent he had gotten. 

Sitting watching him place the spoonfuls of food into James' mouth, laughing at the sound affects he was making, I had to take a second to remember that this would only be temporary. I wouldn't get to see this every day, and James wouldn't be able to enjoy his dad every day. And I couldn't decide whether that made me feel like I wanted to continue sitting and cherishing what I was witnessing, or if it made me feel like I wanted to get up and leave the room altogether. I didn't want to see how great they were together, and then to crave it even more, but then to be disappointed when he was just too busy to be there. 

 

As the night grew later, I had let Brian put James to bed for the first time, relishing in the cuteness of the moment no matter how much I told myself I shouldn't.  
I walked into the living room, two glasses full of red wine in hand, placing a glass into his hand as he sat on the couch, before sitting myself on the couch opposite him.

"Something wrong with this chair?" He questioned, noticing the obvious distance I purposely had made between us. I didn't know how to answer his question, instead I chuckled small and took a gulp of my drink. "Well I was being serious, but sure." He murmed, before swigging his drink also.

"I just don't want it to be weird, you know?" I scrunched an eyebrow, awaiting the unknown response that I would receive from him.

"What's weird is that I make you this uncomfortable." He stated, not taking his stare off of me.

"You do not make me uncomfortable." 

"Well something made you sit all the way over there." He replied with a straight face, and at this moment in time I couldn't tell if he was being serious or if he was just messing around. 

"Fine then" I said, grabbing ahold of my glass before walking over to the couch that he was sat on before sitting down next to him. "Better?" I asked, turning to look at him.

"Much better" he finally smiled, getting his own way as per usual. "So..how've you been?" He asked.

"I've been good. A little tired, a little desperate for adventure, I love being a mom but being cooped up all the time is not fun" I sighed, taking another drink from my glass, the wine clearly helping to bring out my honesty. "How have you been?" 

"Eh" was all he responded.

"And what exactly is 'eh'?" I questioned, mocking the sound he had made.

"If that's how I had to describe my life right now, that's how it would be." 

"I'm not sure if that's even a word, actually." 

"Who knows, all I know is that there probably isn't even a word to describe how I feel" he said, sounding extremely mopey. 

"Talk to me" I said sympathetically, resting my hand on his thigh, before he and I both looked down at the hand movement. He sighed big, before placing his hand over mine gently.

"I just miss you, I guess" he sighed once again. "I just miss you a lot."


	3. 3

"Brian..." I sighed, pulling my hand away from his soft touch. "I can't.. we shouldn't" I stammered, standing up from the couch.

"I get it" Brian looked down towards his lap, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. 

"This.. I'll just go and grab you a blanket and a pillow, let's just call it a night" I stammered once again, slightly in shock about his announcement. I didn't quite know how to handle it - I didn't know HOW I should handle it. Of course, there were the parts in me that had wanted to hear those words come out of his mouth, but it wasn't just about those selfish parts of me anymore. I could no longer listen to that little niggling voice inside my head, I had to remain realistic about this whole situation and do what was right by James and my frame of mind. 

Fetching a blanket and cushion from the cupboard in my bedroom, I returned to see Q removing his hat and placing it onto the coffee table in front of the couch. To say the atmosphere had changed from lighthearted banter to almost complete awkwardness was an understatement. No one was talking, and Q couldn't even begin to look me in the eye anymore. He began removing his belt from the loops of his jeans and placed it next to his hat on the table, before taking a seat on the couch again.

"I'm sorry, you know" he sighed, finally bringing himself to look up at me as I placed the folded blanket on the empty couch cushion next to him.

"You don't have to apologize. Actually, I'd probably prefer it if you didn't.. I get it, Brian.. I've been there, heck, there are even days when I still am there, when there is nothing I'd rather do more than to call you up and tell you that I miss you. But we can't get back to how it was, not now when you and I aren't the only ones involved, do you understand where I'm at least coming from? I didn't want you to just think that I was some frosty bitch" 

"I don't think that you're a frosty bitch" he let out a small chuckle.

"Okay, good" I replied, feeling more relieved.

"I don't think it, no. I know you're a frosty bitch" he said, changing his voice to make it evident that it was just a joke. Causing me to give him nothing but a death glare in response. "But yeah, I understand, we have James now." 

"Glad we can agree on something" I forced a smile, trying to receive one in return, something that I did not get.

"Can we at least change something about the way we both are now, though?" He asked.

"Depends on what you're about to suggest.." 

"Just.. Us. You know?" 

"What?" I questioned, confused by what he was trying to suggest, although seeing that he was having some difficulty in explaining this one himself.

"I can't have it go back to how it was. I know we broke up because I'm away a lot, but that doesn't mean the last thing that I wanted was to talk to you." 

"Brian.."

"I'm not suggesting that we get back together, just hear me out?" 

"Okay, carry on" 

"Just, I want you back in my life. Even if it is just as a friend. I wanna talk to you more, I wanna know what's going on. Whenever we talk about James, it doesn't seem like I'm talking to the girl that I onced shared so many great fucking times with. It's like I'm talking to a stranger, and I hate that." 

His words stung, making me realize that I had purposely avoided his attempts at small talk many times over the last few months, thinking that he didn't want to know things like how I was, or what I had been up to. I thought he just felt obligated to ask as part of phone call nature.

"Guessing by your lack of answer, that means no?" He asked, keeping his voice slow and calm, like he had admitted defeat.

"It's just a lot more complicated than that.." I exhaled. "I don't know how to talk to you and not be in love with you at the same time. And right now, it's just not a great time to be loving you. I just don't see us just being friends working out so great.." 

"Right" he answered, returning back to looking anywhere else but at me.

"I'm gonna get to bed.. If you need anything, you know where I am. If you hear James crying, feel free to give me a night off" I said jokingly, trying to lighten the atmosphere a little as I made my way towards the hallway. I didn't want to leave the night ended on an awful conversation, for it to be twice as awkward in the morning. But looking back and towards Brian, laughing at a joke would be the last thing that I would see him do tonight. He looked completely and utterly crushed. 

 

 

 

 

\---- just a short chapter today, but I will make up for it in the next! X


	4. 4

I awoke to the sound of laughter drifting from the living room, both baby and adult. Pulling on the robe that was hanging over a chair beside my bed, I made my way down the hall and into the living room to see what exactly these boys were up to. 

"Morning" Q greeted me as I walked through the doorway, laying on his back on the floor, James sitting on top of his stomach.

"Having fun?" I smiled, before walking to the adjoining kitchen and turning on the coffee maker.

"I don't know about James- but I am having a blast." 

"He definitely sounded like he was enjoying whatever game it was." 

"Oh did he, now?" Q said mischievously, whilst looking at James, before the small child erupted into fits of laughter once again as Brian began tickling his stomach. 

I shook my head, laughing at the sight and sound before me me. It was definitely one of the better early mornings that I have had, although that could just be down to the events of last night. I had expected to wake up and for the atmosphere to be awkward and quiet, however it was like last night didn't even happen at all, and maybe I couldn't tell if that was a bad thing or that of a good one. Was he just saying those things to get some action, or did he genuinely mean what he had said? 

"So what time are we headed out to this comic con thing?" I asked, taking a sip from my warm coffee.

"We should probably start leaving in around an hour" Q answered.

"Okay" I replied, focusing my attention back onto my coffee, trying my hardest to wake myself up.

"You don't have to come if you don't want to" he stated, confusing me by the sudden outburst.

"Oh?" 

"You just don't really seem like you want to be going.' He added.

I couldn't think of what to say next, or what had lead him to say that. I hadn't made him think that I didn't want to tag along, at least I don't think that I did. Maybe this was just his way of subtly saying that he no longer wanted me there. Causing my mind to go back to last night, making me start to believe that maybe he didn't miss me at all- which made me start to get pretty mad.

"Says who?" I questioned, trying to hide the slight anger rising in my voice.

"You've definitely taken this the wrong way, so I'm gonna go shower. I'm not arguing with you right now" he huffed, lifting James up and placing him onto his baby mat.

Ten minutes later he arrived from the bathroom, wet hair pushed to one side over his forehead. Still mad, I turned around to focus myself on rinsing the cups that were in the sink, when I felt a pair of arms snake gently across my stomach, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm sorry" he said softly into my shoulder, before resting his face on it. "I didn't mean to make you pissed. It just really sounded like you weren't excited at all" 

"Because I'm not" I chuckled slightly. "Comic con is your thing, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to go. I was just really looking forward to spending a day with you and James. You know, so we can act like a normal family for at least five minutes." Brian pulled away from the small embrace, before leaning himself against the counter.

"I get that now" he sighed. "I guess after last night I'm just confused" 

"Confused how?" I asked.

"With how much you actually wanna be around me. I'm already staying at your place, I didn't wanna go pushing the boat out and making you spend every moment with me, especially after what you said." 

"I think you're just taking what I said too personally. That's all." 

"Maybe. But can you blame me?" 

My heart instantly dropped into my stomach. Maybe I had been too hard on the guy, but I was already still in love with him, I was already still missing him every day. To get more attached and for him to be gone so much, I just couldn't handle that. 

"I should get ready" I announced, dodging his question, not completely sure if it was even answerable. 

As I stood in the shower, mind racing through everything that had happened in the last 12 hours, I began to feel such an intense feeling of guilt. Brian was trying his best to put everything right, and all I did was throw it back into his face because I couldn't handle loving him. I never let myself think for a second that he was experiencing the exact same thing, possibly more. After all, he had made attempts to rekindle something and I had knocked him back, meaning that if I had said yes then we could be something once more. If I wanted a relationship with him, then I could get it. If he wanted a relationship with me, he was always faced with a no. So maybe he was experiencing more pain than what I was. And maybe I should be a lot more sensitive with how I delievered things. This whole thing was too confusing for me. I wanted nothing more than to be with him, but at the same time it was so excruciatingly hard to just be with him.

As I made my way back in the living room to find the boys, I found them sitting on the couch, Brian trying ever so gently to change James into his costume.

"He won't break, you know" I laughed, watching him. "He's actually pretty durable" 

"You say it like you go around dropping him everywhere" 

"Maybe" I answered, as a joke, but testing my acting skills as I remained as serious as I could be. I received a long glare from Brian, as he tried to figure out if I was just playing around or not.

"You almost had me there" he answered, after much debate inside his head. "Almost." 

He finished buttoning up the back of J's costume before picking up a small piece of fabric with a clip attached.

"Please tell me that is not a cape" I tried to hold my laughter in.

"You bet it's a damn cape" he answered so seriously, clipping it on. Which was enough to send me into fits of laughter. I couldn't take my adorable child seriously with a flowing cape behind him, it was such a comical sight. 

"Such a nerd" my usual phrase of words I used around Q appeared. He didn't even feel offended by my overuse of it, as there was no denying at all that he was infact a nerd.

                                                  -

We had been walkin aroind the floors of comic con for around two hours now, and there seemed to be no draining in Brian's excitement for this day. I, however, was slightly tired.

"I'm gonna sit and get a bite to eat" I announced pointing to a food truck, Brian waiting in line for an autograph from some actor with James in hand.

As I waited in line, I felt a tap on my shoulder, before turning around and coming face to face with two girls, probably just a little younger than me.

"See, I told you it was her" one girl said to the other, before speaking once more. "You're Q's ex girlfriend, right?  She questioned, much to my confusion as she clearly knew who I was from announcing that she knew it was in fact me.

"I mean, I have a name, but sure. Let's go with that one" I replied, not meaning to sound so cold, but I still had no idea why they were even talking to me.

"Is it okay if we take a picture with you?" The other, more quiet girl asked.

"With me?" I quizzed, wondering why on earth they would want a photo with me. 

"Yes, with you" the louder girls voice appeared once more.

"Well I guess so" I said, still extremely confused. I definitely wasn't a celebrity by any means. "Sorry if I kinda look like crap" I said, before leaning in as the girl took the selfie.

"It's okay, you're a new mom" the gobby girl replied, causing me to feel a little riled up. It was only okay when I said I looked like crap, how dare she agree. 

"So where is the baby?" The second girl asked, before looking over my shoulder, eyes starting to light up. I was about to look over my shoulder when I heard Q's voice greet everyone.

"Are you guys back together?" One girl asked, looking less than pleased, while the quieter one just smiled from being in Q's presence.

"No, just friends" Q answered.

"Can you take our picture?" The annoying girl asked, shoving her phone in my hand before I could even begin to answer. I guess I was stuck on photographer duty- or at least that's what she thought.

After she took her phone back, I turned to Q and whispered. "Second thoughts, I'm not so hungry" before pulling him away and almost speed walking in the opposite direction.

"Slow down, would you?" Q interjected.

"Sorry, sorry" I said, looking over his shoulder making sure I could no longer see the two girls. "We just had to move before they realized." 

"Realized what...Jess?" Q asked, confusion clear in his voice.

"I didn't take any pictures of them with you, I just pretended that I did." 

"Why?" Q raised an eyebrow, the confusion clearly not going away.

"She agreed that I looked like crap." I answered, causing Q to laugh.

"Wow, okay. How awful of her" Q mocked. "You wanna get outta here anyways? I think someone is tired." He motioned his eyes to the sleeping batman resting his head on his shoulder. 

"Let's" I smiled.

                                   

                                                   -

As I served up some pizza on a plate, I handed it to Q after he had finished opening a bottle of beer.

"That looks so good" he said, before taking the plate from my grasp. "Oh and you do too, I don't want you to be offended by that also" he joked, referring to earlier on today.

"Funny, funny man" I replied as sarcastically as I could.

"Some would say" he winked, before making his way to the couch.

As we ate our meal, small talk swept over the two of us.

"He was actually talking about him the last time I saw him, he misses him a lot." Brian stated, referring to his dad, whom we also named James after.

"I should probably make a visit out to see them at some point, I just don't know if that would be a weird thing to do on my own?"   
"It's not weird at all, he is their grandson at the end of the day" he chuckled. "But if you think it could be that awkward, we could see when we have some time off and I'll come with you." He added, taking a bite of the crust. He clearly wasn't listening to the spending less time together part, and maybe I hadn't been either considering we havent left the others side since he had arrived. I was interrupted from my thoughts as I saw Q wince in pain as he leant forward to place his plate on the coffee table.

"Are you okay?" I asked, wondering what was causing him to act in such a way. It wasn't like him to complain, especially about being in pain.

"Just my neck. It cramped up when I bent over" he forced a fake laugh, but the pain was showing in his face.

"Here, let me" I said, grabbing his shoulders to turn him, his back now towards me. I slowly started to massage his neck and the surrounding area, Q moaning slightly in approval. Something of which sent my imagination into overdrive, before I reminded myself to snap out of it. He was in pain, and I was just helping. Nothing more, nothing less. 

"That's so fucking good." He groaned, causing me to freeze, before pulling my hands away.

"You.. You should probably use less cushions when you go to sleep, keeping your neck so upright isn't doing you any good." I tried to control my stammering as much as I could.

"Got it. Well thanks for a little relief" he said, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.

"No problem" I smiled as he turned back around. "I'm gonna go and check on James, and I'll see if there is a flatter pillow for you" I said, before getting up and leaving the room. Flatter? Is that even a word? Who even knew. All that I did know was that I had to remove myself from that situation.

                                                   -

It was around 2am, and I had woken up severely dehydrated, so I made my way down the hallway, but as I made my way to the living room I heard the sound of a movie playing quietly. Walking in, the room only lit from the light of the television, I saw Q sat up, blanket over his legs.

"Trouble sleeping, too?" I asked, pointing to the TV.

"Something like that" he said, groggily.

I strolled into the kitchen, pouring myself a cold glass of water before making my way back to the living room.

"You okay?" I asked Q. I know it was late but he still didn't seem 100%.

"I'm good, my neck is just killing me." He answered. Causing me to sigh, wishing that I had a spare bed. "I'll fall asleep any second though, so it's all good" he yawned.

"Okay, good. Well goodnight.. again" I smiled before walking down the hallway ever so quietly, before I heard Q groan in pain once more, causing me to turn around and begin walking to the couch that he was settled on.

"Come on, get up" I announced, pulling the blanket that was situated on his lap off, revealing his bare legs and boxers.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"Come to bed. With me." I replied.

"Are you sure?" 

"If I was, would I really be asking? You're in pain, now come on." I said, grabbing his pillow, before making my way back to my room and tossing it onto the empty spot next to my own pillows. Moments later, Q strolled in the door.

Flicking on the lamp for a little light, I pulled back the covers and slid in, waiting for Q to do the same. 

"This is so much better" he stretched out once he had laid down.

"I'm glad" I said, before switching off the light and laying down. Although this time I no longer felt tired and ready to sleep. It almost felt strange in a way having him laid right there beside me, but not being able to touch him in any way. We never used to go to sleep together without at least a small amount of spooning. 

"What's wrong?" Brian's voice came from beside me.

"Huh?" I questioned, snapping out of my trance.

"You're laid staring up at the ceiling. Something must be keeping you up." He laughed.

"Yeah, you, talking to me" I joked, trying to stop him from asking further questions.

"Hey that's not fair, I saw you wide awake before I even asked" 

"I know" I sighed, before rolling onto my side so that I was now facing him. "I just can't sleep tonight, I guess." I said reaching my hand out, tucking a fallen piece of his hair that was annoying me back behind his ear. 

"Me neither. But now it's not so bad" he said smugly. "Because at least now I have someone to keep me company." I could see his smile glistening in the small amount of light that the moon filled the dark room with.

"I'm not so sure that I'm the best company" 

"Sure you are" he replied, his words radiating my insides. Although I couldn't form a coherent sentence back, I kind of just laid smiling at him, him doing the same. The silence extremely comfortable in that moment, before his voice returned. "I want to kiss you so bad right now." 

I paused for a moment, hardly taking in what he had said before I answered.

"So do it." I said, just above a whisper.

There were no more words exchanged between us, as Q leaned in slowly, placing a hand on the side of my waist before I felt his lips softly caress my own. Everything that I had wanted yet always made sure didn't happen happened in that quick moment. It was only a small peck, but that was enough to ignite the fire growing in my chest, as I found myself placing my hands on each of his cheeks, pulling him in, engaging us in a much deeper, passionate kiss this time. His hands returned to my waist, pulling my body closer to his so that we were now pressed along one another. His tongue brushed against my bottom lip, begging for entrance. Cupping his neck, I moaned softly as I felt his tongue caressing my own. I slid my hands up into his hair, gently gripping it while I felt his chest lean gently against my own. Our hips rub against one another, and I soon felt his arousal on my thigh. After a few intense seconds, he broke the kiss and placed his forehead against mine, us both a breathing mess. 

I looked up at him, mouth slightly agape, before biting my slightly swollen bottom lip and nodding. He slowly reached for the bottom of my shirt, before pulling it up over my head. Then repeating the same action with his own shirt. He pushed the blanket off of us, before pushing me onto my back, grabbing each side of the elastic on the waist of my sweat pants, making sure to pull my underwear off in the same swift movement. Leaning back down, Q closed the space between the pair of us, allowing me to slide my hand to his boxers and push them down, Q skillfully sliding them off the rest of the way. I began to wrap my legs around his waist, as I felt him line himself up against my entrance. 

He started off at a slow speed, a small moan escaping as my head fell back against the mattress at the feeling of myself adjusting to his length. He began to pick up speed - but it wasn’t too quick because, even though it wasn't planned, it was obvious that we both wanted this to be intimate. This was months and months of built up emotions, the want of just being close to the other. And after so long it was finally happening. 

Each time he thrusted into me - it was like there were a thousand fireworks going off each time. It was like this was meant to happen, that god had made us both meet for this moment, this was written in stone; Brian and I were made for each other. 

"Oh, Brian.." I softly moaned, scraping my teeth against the side of his neck.

"You feel so good.." he moaned, thrusting in and out with slow yet powerful thrusts. 

Each one of his caresses made my skin tingle, each moan consumed me, and every thrust drowned me in mind-clouding pleasure. Our moans ands sighs began to mix in with the others, and my insides began that tell-tale feeling of my on coming orgasm. Brian's pace began to speed up a little and I knew that he was closing in on his release as well. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I felt him release just moments after me. He thrusted a few more times before slowing to a stop and pulling out. He looked down at me, before leaning in and kissing me deeply, reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of my face, before cupping his hand on my cheek. 

"I love you so much, Jess" he confessed. I felt my face become even redder, as I smiled a little at him.

"I love you too, Brian.."


	5. 5

Oh my gosh, how could I have let this happen? I thought to myself, as I looked over at Q's nude body laid beside me, barely covered by my blanket. I had tried so hard to prevent this from happening, and in one small moment of weakness, everything had been thrown right out of the window. I gathered my pyjamas off of the floor, and threw them on as quickly and as quietly as I could, I was not ready to face him just yet. And maybe if I was busy being distracted by something else, he wouldn't bring last night up. Maybe I could take James out to the park, or go for a leisurely stroll. Anything to get me out of this apartment.

Walking into James' room, I picked him up, noticing that his diaper needed to be changed. All plans for exiting the awkward situation as quickly as possible had to be diverted. Luckily, being a mom gave you at least one new skill - the ability to change and dress a baby with an almighty speed. Who knows, maybe it'll be impressive to someone other than myself one day. 

As I tightened the straps on James in his push chair, I grabbed a jar of baby food from the cupboard, and a spoon from the draw, placing it in his baby bag hanging over the handles. Looked like breakfast would be on the go today. Sure, I realized that my reaction wasn't one of the realistic nature, and sure, I probably looked like a crazy person, completely disheveled and in the sweat pants that I had slept in - well, slightly slept in..

Sitting on the park bench, James comfortably perched in his pushchair, I scooped the spoon into the jar and watched as he sat open mouth awaiting his food, small gurgles off approval after each bite. I couldn't help but break out into a smile as I watched his little face light up, his glistening dark brown eyes, a complete spitting image of his father's. I sighed to myself, wondering how this situation could have ended up this messed up in the first place. We could be a family, a solid unit. But, just how solid could that unit be when your father and boyfriend was away most of the days of the week? It was a battle between my head and my heart at this moment. I wanted everything to be perfect and simple, especially for our sons sake. But Brian being in the public eye, and his show only getting more popular every day worldwide at that - it wasn't so simple. 

As I wiped the leftover food away from James' chin, I heard an deafening scream of a child before instinctively looking straight up to see what had happened and if I could help in any way, before seeing the child's mother running frantically over to him to help him off the floor, but at the same time struggling as she held a baby that had to be just a few months younger than James in her other arm. She definitely looked a little overwhelmed by keeping her eye on two children, and I couldn't help but watch out of curiosity. I had always wanted to have a lot of children, and at least a few of them close together, but watching this woman, looking more ungroomed than me at that, made me realize that maybe there was one good small thing to come out of Brian and I's break up - the fact that I only had James and got to keep my sanity. That was until the realization had hit me, anyway. Q and I hadn't used protection, and judging by how quick it had taken me to get pregnant with J, I couldn't take a chance on not acting on my extremely foolish behavior of last night. I had to do something. 

The nearest pharmacy was at least 5 miles away from my apartment, so walking there would take a lot of my time. Time that I couldn't really play around with right now. I'm pretty sure that there is a time limit in taking one of those morning after pills? However I wasn't quite sure. All I knew is that I had to go back to the apartment and get my car keys, but the last thing that I wanted to do was explain what was happening to Q. I just wanted to do this as quickly, and without as many questions asked as possible.

Walking up to my door, not having any idea of the time as I didn't bring my phone, I hoped that Q was still fast asleep in bed. Much to my pleasure as I walked in and heard nothing but silence. I parked James by the door, taking him out of his stroller, knowing that it would just delay us more, and would just be quicker to carry him out to his car seat. Holding J with one arm, resting him on the crook of my hip, I pulled the drawer out quietly, before the search for my car keys started. You would have thought that I would have attached them to my apartment keys, but only someone with full use of their brain would think to do such a thing. 

"What are you looking for?" Q's voice appeared behind me, causing me to freeze in my tracks. I don't know why I was acting like I could actually avoid this guy. He was staying at my own friggen apartment after all. What was I gonna do, hide outside at the park all day in hopes that he would disappear from all areas of my mind, heart.. oh and apartment? Life didn't work that way. I had to start facing my problems - or worries in this case - not just run away and hide from them. 

"I'm looking for my car keys" I stated, as I carried on looking. Knowing that the questioning of why I was looking for my keys was about to start. 

"Why?"

......and there it was.

"Do I have to have a reason to find them? I just want to know where they are so when I want them I know where they actually are" my answer coming of a lot more frosty than I had intended.

"Okay, okay." Q held his hands up, obviously noticing my tone of voice. "Don't shoot me for asking" he said, before taking James from my grasp and greeting his son in the same tone of voice that he had always used on his son. I stopped what I was doing, rubbing my temples, feeling the stress of not being able to find my keys building up inside me. "There's a bunch of keys over there if you haven't already checked those" he motioned to the top of the microwave with his head, as I made my way over to check what keys they were. Bingo. Exactly the right bunch that I needed. 

Standing on the spot, I looked down at the keys in the grasp of my hand before sighing and looking up at Brian. Here's to not running away from your problems, right? I thought to myself.

"If you really wanted to know why I was looking for my keys, it's because I needed to go to the pharmacy.." I clenched my teeth, awaiting for Q to react.

"Why would you need to go to the pharmacy?" Q asked, looking confused, maybe even concerned.

"Because.. Last night. You, and you didn't wear a condom..and.."

"You think I'm not clean, is that was it is?" 

"Wait, what? That is not what I was going to sa.." 

"So what? You were just going to word it differently? I haven't even fucked anyone else since I've been with you, Jess." He interrupted.

"Okay you are completely getting the wrong end of the stick here, that wasn't what I was going to say at all. If you would just calm down and actually let me talk, then it would have probably saved you a lot of embarrassment." I giggled slightly, although already felt a little better about everything after he had made that announcement. Had he seriously not been with anyone since we had broken up? That was almost a year ago. Surely that couldn't have been the entire truth?

"So what were you going to say?" He questioned.

"We didn't use protection last night. I need the morning after pill." I boldly said, seeing the realization of the situation finally sink into Brian's brain. "You don't have to come, I can just go and pick the pill up and be done with it." 

"Don't you want to at least shower first?" 

"No, I have to go before it's too late to take the pill. I'll have one when I get back." I grasped the keys tighter, before making my way to the door. 

"Well, okay then. I guess I'll be here when you get back?" Q asked, sounding like he felt pointless in the moment. There wasn't really anything that he could do. Maybe he felt guilty that he didn't think to use protection either, who knows. Something was evident in the tone of his voice. 

"I guess so" I forced a smile at him before leaving the apartment, hoping to reassure him. Reassure him that everything was in fact fine, when in reality, I wished that I had never slept with him again. There was nothing but drama when the two of us were involved with each other, and as much as my feeling were still so clearly there, I definitely couldn't let this happen ever again.


	6. 6

Arriving at the pharmacy, my hands felt clammy as I made my way to the counter. I'm sure they probably had to deal with these types of scenarios almost daily, but that still didn't make me feel any less embarrassed about asking. 

"How can I help you?" The woman behind the counter smiled towards me.

"Um, hi. I was just wondering if you had some of the uh.. Morning after pills, I think that's what they're called?" I asked, making sure to lower my voice.

"Ah, yes. Emergency contraception. We do indeed have that." She said, before turning around and walking to a shelf. After shuffling around for a few seconds, she soon came back with a box in hand, before placing it on the counter. "Have you ever used this item before?" 

"No, I haven't" 

"Okay, well first of all, emergency contraception makes it much less likely that you will get pregnant. It is not 100% effective. But emergency contraceptives are not as effective as birth control that's used before or during sex, like the pill or condoms. So if you are sexually active or planning to be, don't use emergency contraception as your only protection against pregnancy. You should probably make an appointment with your doctor about birth control" she lowered her tone at the last sentence, giving me a slightly concerned look. I think she thought I was some hopeless young teenager that had just discovered sex. Well, sure I was probably hopeless when it came to contraception, but otherwise..

"I definitely will." I answered, just hoping that she wouldn't continue to talk about it, and that I could leave as quickly as I could. 

"Now this can be taken up to five days after intercourse, but don't leave it any longer" she smiled before I nodded. "That'll be $49.99" My eyes widened at the price, almost worried that I wouldn't have enough to pay for it. As I looked into my purse, I pulled out a crisp $50 before handing it over to the pharmacist. It's a damn good job that this won't be happening again. This shit is expensive.

As I pulled up into the driveway, I looked down at the paper bag containing the pill inside. Taking a deep breath, wondering how it had only been two days in Q's presence and that things had already gotten this complicated. Maybe it was a sign, and it definitely didn't seem like a good one. But then why did it feel so right last night?  Ugh, I couldn't deal with the contradiction of my own thoughts. 

Holding the box tightly in my hand, I unlocked the door to my apartment and stepped inside, instantly coming face to face with Q holding James.

"You get it?" He asked, bobbing James up and down on his side. I held up the box, pulling an obvious fake smile before walking past him and into the kitchen, pulling a glass out of the cupboard before proceeding to fill it with water. 

As I read the instructions, I popped the pill and placed it onto my tongue before swallowing it along with a gulp of the cold water. I noticed Q hanging awkwardly around the kitchen, once again I think he didn't know what to do with himself. I didn't find this to be a time to comfort him, or to ask him what was wrong. He knew the deal, and now it was being dealt with. Maybe it was just a guy thing, with the whole not understanding how the female body works mindset. 

"I'm going to shower." I announced, before walking past him and straight to my room, still not wanting to discuss last night with him. I wanted to regret it. I wanted to regret it so, so much. But every ounce of my body felt the least bit regretful when I replayed the moments of last night in my head. I've hooked up with him many times, hell we were in a relationship. But no night that we had ever spent together ever felt like last night did. As corny and cliché as it sounded, we didn't have sex last night - we made love. And now I found myself under the downpour of the shower, washing away the way he felt when he touched every ounce of my skin. 

After drying off, I strolled back into the living area before sitting next to Q on the couch.

"I put James down for a nap. He couldn't keep his eyes open. It was so funny, you should have seen it, he literally tried to fight falling asleep so much. The only person I know that has too much fun staying up that he hates going to sleep." He laughed, obviously replaying the scene in his head. He was obsessed with his son, and seeing him light up as he spoke about him left me with the warmest feeling. 

"He loves being around you, that's probably why he doesn't want to sleep." I smiled, thinking about how much James already adored his father.

"Was that your problem last night?" He smiled cheekily, my smile instantly dropping. Little did I realize that my face reacted in such a way, until Q had noticed. "Or maybe not..?" I mean, it definitely was the reason. But I couldn't let him know that. I didn't want him to feel like I was leading him on in any shape or form. I sighed, trying so desperately to think of the right thing to say. I know whatever my answer would be, would be one that he didn't like, but I had to deliver it in a way that wouldn't hurt him as much. "What is wrong with you?" He asked, sounding concerned.

"What do you mean?" I played it dumb, hoping to answer whatever he thought was wrong, instead of voicing something completely different to what he was actually thinking.

"Just, today. The whole doing everything to avoid me, or to avoid talking to me. I'll be in a room and you'll literally walk out. Did last night actually happen, or was that with another girl?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"It's fairly obvious, Jess." 

"Not really, no." 

"Yes, it really is. You regret last night." He stated calmly.

"I do not regret last night. It's just.. awkward, is all." Partially the truth, I suppose?

"How is it awkward?" He questioned.

"Because of this. First of all, having to go to the pharmacy and get emergency contraception, and second of all, having to talk about it. It's just embarrassing." 

"Then next time we'll just be more careful, alright?" He said, placing a hand on my leg.

"There isn't going to be a next time." I blurted out before realizing what I had just said. "I just.. I can't do this again" 

"Is this really because of the whole not using a condom thing? Because I honestly won't forget again, I can go out and get some now?" 

"No." I sighed. " And I don't regret last night. But that doesn't mean that it wasn't a mistake" I said, looking him sympathetically in the eyes, before he looked down at his lap, removing his hand from my thigh.

"This is ridiculous" he said, before standing up, but not walking away. "You gonna tell me that you didn't enjoy every second of last night?" He asked, now facing me.

"It's not about enjoying it, Brian.. Last night already clarified everything that I already knew. I also knew that it shouldn't have happened in the first place, but with you right there next to me.. I couldn't stop it from happening. The moment that you said you wanted to kiss me.. I just couldn't make myself say no.." I said, trying my best to hold back the tears now forming in my eyes.

"So you want me to leave, is that what you're saying?"

"No" I replied instantly. It was probably best that he did leave, but that was the last thing that I actually wanted for him to do. "No, I don't want you to leave at all."

"I don't get you, Jess. One minute you're hot, the next you're so fucking cold. You need to make up your damn mind because you're really starting to confuse the fuck outta me." 

I knew he was right, but I couldn't help but think what he had just said was a little unfair. He knew why I couldn't be with him, and he had always respected that. He was away so much, and I got so cripplingly lonely without him. And now we had one night of weakness and it was like every part of him that once understood no longer did, almost like he didn't realize that he would actually be leaving soon, to his own home and life, three thousand miles away from mine. 

"I'm done talking about this" I said, as calmly as I could. I knew if he were to continue saying things along those lines then this would blow up into a huge unnecessary argument.

"Well I'm not." He said, anger slightly beginning to sound evident in his voice.

I got up, walking with a faster pace than usual to my room, feeling agitated when I realized that he was following me.

"What do you want from me, Brian?" I turned around, not hiding my annoyance. 

"I want you, Jess. You fucking know that" he announced, before sitting on the side of the bed, his body language a lot more relaxed as he said this. I didn't respond. I couldn't respond. And that was the answer that pushed Q over the edge the most. "You realize I have about nine chicks in my phone that would give me exactly what I want from you right now?" 

The look I shot him in the exact moment I heard those words said everything. The disgust, the annoyance, the cheek of it. How dare he say such a thing. 

"So go and be with one of those little girls tonight then" I said, hiding how I truly felt by his words with thick attitude whilst turning around and folding clothes into my drawer, acting like his words didn't completely crush me.

"Maybe I will" he said, and I heard the sound of his phone unlocking. Wow, this guy really was this petty. When you think you know someone right..

"So bye then?" I said, trying my best to not give him the rise that he so clearly wanted out of me. I was hopeful that it had worked when I then heard him storm out of my room, before hearing the door slam on my apartment. Not at all impressed when I heard James begin to cry in his room.

Entering James' room, I carried his small frame to my room, comforting him the best that I could as he rested his head against my chest. I put him into my bed, knowing that I full well knew that I wouldn't be letting Q return to it tonight. Before the thought of him being in another girls bed swept through my mind, giving me a terrible feeling in the pit of my chest. I know it was my own fault, but did he have to react in such a way?

As I laid down next to James, my head hitting the pillow, every little emotion began to roll over me. I was so in love with this man, but why couldn't I just let myself be with him? After everything that had happened today, I really began to think that there was no way coming back from this. He had said that I was the only girl that he had slept with in over a year, meaning he only looked at me in that way. And now I was the same girl that probably made him jump straight into bed with another girl, and my heart didn't know how to cope with that one the most.


	7. 7

It was around 4am when I heard a consistent tapping on the door of my apartment, awaking me from my restless sleep. Knowing who it would be, I debated in my head if I even wanted to get up and see what he wanted. Hours before he announced that he had nine girls to fuck, pretty much. So I assume in those 5 hours the he must have been pretty busy. Ugh, the thought of it made me sick, but there was still that annoying voice inside my head telling me to at least go and see what he wants. Maybe he wanted to apologize? Maybe he came to get the rest of his stuff and leave for good? It was 4am after all, so the answer could be just about anything.

Pulling the door open, the man that completely shattered my heart stood before me - looking a little worse for wear. No words were exchanged, I just stepped back to let him in. I wasn't going to be the neighbor that aired her dirty laundry in the small hours of the morning for all ears to hear. My life was tragic enough for my own ears, I wouldn't want to subject that onto anyone else.

After I put the bolt back on the door, I turned around, faced by Q and his regretful eyes.

"I am so fucking sorry." He said, pulling me in tightly to his chest. I didn't react to the embrace and I definitely didn't hug him back. It definitely felt nice to have him actually apologize in the same night, but at the same time, I didn't know where he had been. He very well may have been at one of his new potential girlfriends house, and thinking that made me want out. Placing my hands on his chest, I pushed him away gently.

"Do you understand what you did to me tonight.?" I asked, not even hiding the hurt that was showing in the crack of my voice. His face told me that he knew, he hated the fact that I was upset and he hated that fact that he knew I would refuse any attempt of him trying to comfort me in that moment. He nodded, not taking his eyes away from mine, the look was one of deep understanding of my feelings. 

"It was all talk." he admitted. But how was I going to just take his word for it? 

"And how do I know that?" I folded my arms over my chest.

"I guess you don't. But I was with a friend, we went to a bar. That's all there was to tonight. There wasn't even any girls at the bar."

"Okay." I said, not entirely believing his story. Making sure that he knew that.

"Can you not do that?" 

"Do what?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"The 'okay' thing" he mocked the exact way that I had said it. I had done it many times before when situations didn't add up. And to say that he hated the tone of my voice when I used that word in such a way, was definitely an understatement. 

"It's just hard to believe, that's all." 

"Just like how it's hard to believe that you don't want me, yet I still can't be with anyone else? Because that's pretty weird." I gave him a glare, letting him know that I was starting to be done with his shit once more. "You don't think that's weird?" 

"I didn't say that you couldn't be with anyone else, Brian. You said that, just now." 

"You're standing here pissed right now, because I told you that I was going to see another girl." 

"I'm not pissed, I was hurt." 

"You don't want this. How are you gonna tell me that you're the one hurting?" He said, pointing back and forth between the both of us.

"No matter what I say, you're never going to get it, are you?" I said, upset appearing in my voice and eyes once more. "What did I say to you last night, after we had sex? Go on, tell me. Right after when you told me that you loved me." 

He sighed, sitting down, barely audible in his response. "You said that you loved me too" he leant forward, rubbing his hands through his less than managed hair.

"You may think that I'm not entitled to feel hurt because I can't be with you, but that would be one of the most closed minded things for you to ever think. I thought you were more different than to think like that." 

"You are entitled." He said quietly, realizing the truth in my words.

"I said I can't be with you, not that I don't want to be with you. I do still love you, Brian. But do you see what happens when we do love each other? Look at us, will you." 

"I get it." his hands moved from his hair to now rub his face, clearly frustrated on the pit stop of this relationship. "I guess it's just hard for me to understand, when it has always been so easy for me. When I want something, I try. You know? I don't think it through, especially when it's as important as this." 

"I think the importance of you and me is the reason why I have done the opposite of not think about it. Having you here lately has been amazing, no matter how I've been expressing differently. I guess it's just easier to walk out of a room than to sit next to the guy that you're still so completely in love with." A lone tear finally freed itself from my eye. 

"Come here." He said, holding an arm out. I sat next to him, the elongated arm wrapping around my shoulders, as his other wrapped around my stomach. He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck, voice vibrating along the length of my collar bone as he spoke. "I hate this." He said, us both remaining in the close embrace. I finally let myself stop being uptight for just that moment, running one hand into his hair, holding him close against me.

"Me too." I wiped my eye with my free hand, trying to stop myself from completely bawling my eyes out.

"Lay with me tonight? And tomorrow I'll be out of your hair" he said, his words causing me nothing but sadness. I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to stay. But everything was beginning to get extremely complicated. So I wasn't going to protest, instead I nodded, allowing him to lay down on the couch, before lying closely next to him, resting my hand and head on his chest. His thumb slowly moving back and forth over the skin on my arm, the soothing sound of him breathing in and out calmly. I couldn't help but lay there and take in every little part of this moment, because it would most likely be the last time that this would happen. 

 

Waking up the next morning, we were still laid in the same position that we drifted off to sleep in. That feeling of dread returned to my stomach, but not one of wishing that last night didn't happen this time. I knew he was leaving, and that was the part that I was dreading. I know he wouldn't want to stay a little longer, when he thought it was time to go he would always do it straight away. 

I knew I had to get up and wake James up, but I knew once I moved, he would wake up and be gone within the hour. I wasn't ready. Five more minutes. I thought to myself. That's all I needed. At least that's all I thought I needed to let him go one last time all over again. Those five minutes were soon cut short when I heard our son babbling to himself echoing from his room. I smiled to myself, feeling like the moment was almost a perfect one, despite how this was the end of something, rather than an everlasting moment. I listened as he chattered away to himself, wondering how something so perfect came out of something so complicated. I definitely didn't know how it happened, but I was forever grateful. 

"Someone sounds eager to get our attention" Q's deep and husky morning voice appeared in my ear, causing me to chuckle. 

"I should probably go and see what he wants" I stated, beginning to move. As I sat up, I saw Q stretching his arm in and out, after having my body leant against it all night he was clearly dealing with the aftermath of that with a dead arm.

"You sit. I'll do it." He said, still bending his arm in and out. "It's my last morning, I wanna spend as much time with him as possible" he got up from the couch, before stumbling into a walk, as ungraceful as possible. I felt more than awful hearing him say that, I was taking away time from his son that he had so little off, but we both knew that it was the right thing to do at this moment in time.

After we had finished breakfast, and Q had finished feeding James, I saw him begin to gather some of his things together. All I could do was sit there and watch as he began to get ready to leave. He pulled his phone out and proceeded to call a cab.

"Yeah to LAX airport, please." He said down the line, before thanking the person on the other end and then putting his phone back into his pocket.

"You're going home?" I asked, confused. I thought he would be staying in LA a little longer.

"Yeah. I only came for comic con and and James and well..you. I had just over a week off, but if things are like this I should probably go home. You won't want to be facing me day in day out after everything. I thought it was for the best." He said. And there comes that feeling again...

He pulled his jacket on, before fixing the zip on his boots. 

"Make sure you give James a big hug. He's gonna miss you" I said.

"Already planned on it" he said, before walking over to James sat in his walker chair and picking him up. I watched as he chatted away to his son, telling him how much he was going to miss him. I couldn't help but cry this time, I tried my best to hide it whilst he said his goodbye but after I let out a small sniffle, Q instantly looked over at me. "Hey hey hey, none of that." He said, before placing James down and walking straight over to me, wrapping his arms around me. "Please don't cry" he said, rubbing his hand up and down my back. 

"I'm sorry" I said, as I leant back a little to look him in the face. And as timing would have it, the sound of a car hooting it's horn sounded from outside, letting Q know that his taxi to the airport had arrived. He looked over at James, before looking back at me, placing his hands on either side of my face, wiping a tear away with one of his fingers, before slowly leaning in and giving me the deepest kiss he had ever given me. After he pulled away, he leant his forehead against my own, sighing deeply. He wasn't good with his words, but his actions in this moment spoke for him.

"I should probably get going.." He said, moving back slightly, before grabbing his bag off the couch. "You make sure you behave for your mom" he said, poking James in his chubby cheek, receiving a giggle from him in response. 

I followed him over to the door, standing under the doorframe as he walked into the corridor outside my apartment and turned around. He leant in once more, placing two kisses on my lips seconds apart. "I'll see you" he said, nodding his head towards mine. I couldn't form a sentence back, I just returned the gesture of the nod, before he turned around and began walking away. 

Slowly, I began to shut the door. Hearing the sound of a cars door shutting outside, knowing that it was him getting into the taxi. As I heard the engine begin and the car pull away, all I could do was weep. I wanted to run out and tell him to stay, but I knew that it was too late, he was already gone.


	8. 8 - The Time Jump

Scanning the aisles of the party store that I was in, I kept my eyes looking for one thing, a birthday hat small enough to fit a one year old. There was no way that he wasn't wearing an adorable mini-sized baby hat. After all, you only turn 1 once, right? I was definitely going all out for this occasion. I was in preparation for the party that I had planned on throwing, making sure I had gotten every item that I had envisioned being there on this day.

"I found the streamers and some balloons" my boyfriend, Tyler appeared behind me, tossing the packages into the cart that I was pushing.

"These aren't the ones we were looking for, those are just plain white balloons!" I stated. He knew that I wanted this to be perfect. It was a big day for me, my baby was having his first birthday. It was a very huge deal.

"So? Who cares? It's a babies party, no one is going to realize" he shrugged. It was pretty annoying considering we had been talking about this party for days, specifically the details. Like wanting balloons with his age printed out onto them for starters. It wasn't like it was a huge ask or anything, we were in a party store. They specifically make these types of things. 

"I'll realize!" I said, pulling the white balloons out of the shopping cart and placing them randomly onto the shelf next to me. "I know it's not a big deal to you, but it is to me. It's my child's first birthday, at least pretend to seem interested." 

"Okay." He groaned, my guilt trip working. "I'll go and find you the balloons" he said, before walking off once more. 

As we made our way to my apartment, I carried James, struggling slightly trying to hold him in one arm and multiple bags in the other. Tyler lagging behind with his one bag, not bothering to stop and ask me if I needed any help. 

"Can you help unlock the door?" I asked, turning towards him. "The key is in my pocket" I said, lifting my arm slightly higher so that he could access my pocket with more ease. As he took his time finding the correct key, and then unlocking the door, the heaviness became much more of a burden very quickly, and I dropped one of the bags onto the floor.

"Careful, would you?  You've already made me spend two hours in the shop, I don't to spend another two there because you broke everything that were already got" he huffed, before walking into my apartment, still not offering to help with anything, despite me literally dropping the stuff that I was carrying onto the floor. As I took James inside, I placed him onto the floor, before going back and picking the spilled bag of party decorations off of the floor, placing them on the couch.

Walking into the kitchen, I opened the fridge, grabbing a bag of salad out. 

"Mom's coming over to help plan for the party, if you wanna stick around" I said, opening the packet, before pouring it into a salad bowl.

"I think I'm gonna give it is a miss" he said, before walking over to me and giving me a small peck on the lips. "I'll text you later" he added, before walking to the front door, pulling on his sweater and leaving. As soon as he left, I sighed in relief. He had been in such a bad mood today that it was almost ruining my mood and my experience of shopping for a momentous day. I wanted to look back on the whole of this and remember everything, so I would at least like it to be a nice memory. 

I heard my mom pull up outside, before her familiar knock pattered on my door. 

"It's open!" I yelled, before her smiling face entered the building.

"Hey!" She yelled, her body language already uplifting the slightly dampened spirits of my own instantly. "Look at you!" She beamed as she looked over at James, pulling himself up so that he was standing, but holding onto the coffee table for support.

"He's getting pretty good at that. Even better at pulling everything off the table and making a mess when there's stuff on there, too" I chuckled, remembering the time that he had pulled his blankie on top of himas he sat on the floor looking like a ghost costume at Halloween. 

"Someone's getting so big and strong now!" She said, as she picked him up, before walking over to accompany me at the table in the kitchen. As I finished putting our lunch on the table, I filled up a sippy cup of water for James to wash down his meal, before sitting down myself. "So how far did you get on with the whole planning of this party then?" She smiled towards James, clearly as excited about his birthday as much as I was. In your face, Tyler. It WAS a big deal!

"I'm pretty certain that I have gotten all of the decorations" I said, pulling the receipt out of the bag that was hanging over the back of my chair, and looking back on what I had purchased today. 

"And what about the venue, do you know where you're having the party?" 

"I was wondering if we could actually have it in your back yard?" I asked, extremely innocently, knowing deep down that she wouldn't say no.

"Of course you can" she smiled, before finishing the bite on her fork. "What about the food, the guests?" 

"Food is easy. Guests.. I'm currently mid writing a list." I said, pulling out the small notepad and placing it in front of my mom. I watched as she looked at the list of names, from family members to close friends, before she furrowed her eyebrows slightly.

"What about Brian and his family?" She quizzed, causing me to tense up. I hadn't seen Q since the last time that he was here, almost five months ago. We had exchanged the few odd texts here and there, but they were never on a personal level, it was to only check up on James and to see if I had received his child support that month.

"I just didn't think there was much point, you know? They very rarely visit L.A., and if Brian wanted to be there on his birthday, he would just come on his own accord anyways, he wouldn't wait for me to ask." 

"You should always extend the invitation though, Jess. You don't want to hurt any of them, they're still James' family at the end of the day, no matter what your relationship is like with them." 

She was right, it was probably in my best nature that I invite them, I just had many doubts that they would even show up.

"Alright, I'll text them all later" 

"I'm sure Q would have already planned on coming to see his son on his first birthday" 

"I guess" I shrugged, wanting the conversation to be about something much different. Anything but him.

"Has he met Tyler yet?" 

"Nope, he has not" I said, wondering how that moment would be exactly. Last I heard, Brian was back to his flirtatious old ways, cashing in on the female attention from the growth of his fame. I doubt he'd even care.

"Let's hope Tyler behaves himself especially" mom sighed. It's not that my mom didn't like my new boyfriend, I think she more so disliked how he acted. He was the same age as me, and all guys my age are very immature still. I think she wanted a man that could really take care of myself and James, because most of the time it just seemed like I had a second child in Tyler with the way he acted sometimes.

"He should be fine" I lied, not having the faintest idea on how he would react to being in the same presence as my ex boyfriend. It shouldn't be too bad, though. It wasn't like I was just randomly inviting an ex. He was my childs father.

After we had cleared up the table after lunch, I went to grab my phone to send out the texts. I decided on doing it in a group text, therefore there would be less communicating between Q and I alone.

'We're having a party next week for James' birthday, if you're free on the 12th, let me know! He would love for you to all be there.' I texted, erasing the first twelve attempts, before finally settling on this one. Surprisingly, Brian was first to text back.

"I'll be there" it read. Reading those words made my mouth run dry. I hadn't seen him in so long, I just hoped that things would remain as smoothly as they were right now. "Just let me know a time and place."


	9. 9

Tomorrow was the big day, James' birthday. To say I was excited was the understatement of the century. The fact that it was such a big day in my mind, made the feelings of anxiousness about being around Brian for the first time dissolve slightly. I has found out that he had landed in Los Angeles this morning so if I could manage to not bump into him until tomorrow then all would be swell.

I had made the drive over to my moms house, setting out the heavy tables outside, not worried about any chance of rain in this part of California at this time of year. I was just finishing dragging the last two chairs to a table when I heard my mom call my name from inside the house. Wondering what on earth she could have wanted, I made my way into the open patio doors to investigate. That was when I realized there was no need for investigation when I focused my eyes to see my mom and Brian's mom standing in the kitchen engaged in conversation, not even noticing my presence until I closed the back door behind me.

"Jess, how are you!" Brian's mom embraced me in a tight hug.

"Hi Carol" I smiled, as I pulled away from the hug, hoping to God that the last thing that I would be seeing next was Brian walking through those doors. 

"So where's the birthday boy?" She beamed. James not being her first grandchild, but her still completely being in love with the idea of being a grandma, especially to the child that she thought she would never get grandchildren from.

"The birthday boy is actually upstairs, napping like a trooper. I think he's preparing for all of the partying that he's going to be doing tomorrow." She let out a sad sounding 'oh' in response after chuckling at my words. She just wanted to give her grandson a hug, she very rarely had seen him in the flesh, only in pictures. That was when I made the exception to go and wake him up, most likely being the grumpiest little soul on the planet, but he had to spend time with his grandma, of course. 

"Here he is" Carol's smile gleamed as she saw me enter the room with James in my arms, bed hair all over the place. Clinging to me tightly, not wanting anyone else to touch him until he had woken up properly. He had definitely gained that from me.

After about ten minutes or so, I noticed that he was finally much more awake. Smoothing down his hair gently with my hand, I looked down at him. "Grandma Carol wants a hug, I think you should give her one" I said, waiting for him to hold his arms out like he usually would if you mentioned the word hug, but that wasn't the case this time, which made my heart break a little. He didn't have any clue in the world that this was his Grandma, meaning he wouldn't know who most of Brian's family were besides him himself. I should probably make much more of an effort for him to see them, but at the same time, he's still their family too, so they could return that gesture. That seemed to settle the sadness from consuming me when I had realized that it wasn't completely just my fault.

After a little persuading, James finally let Carol pick him up, and I didn't think she could smile any bigger as she looked her grandson in the face.

"Oh my goodness, he looks like my Brian so much!" She announced. Internal ugh in full march. She was correct, though. He didn't look like me in any way, shape or form. He was all Brian, from the dark shaggy hair to the dark eyes, a complete match of his father's dark chocolatey ones. 

"Speaking of which, did he make it in to L.A. okay?" My mom added into the conversation. It almost annoyed me how she would continuously bring him up when I was around, and I couldn't yet tell if she was doing it on purpose or not.

"Oh, yes he did. He's staying at the Sheraton hotel I do believe" oh great not too far from here..

"So he's not coming over here to see James today at all?" My mom questioned, yet it sounded more like a hint for Carol to invite him over. Carol then turned her glanced to me, with a look like she wanted to say something, yet feeling like she couldn't.

"He doesn't want to with me here, is what Carol's face is trying to say" I added. I knew that I disliked talking about him, or having people talk about him whilst I was around, but it was much worse when people felt like they couldn't even mention the fact that we once had a relationship, and that we made the decision to no longer be friends. I thought that was a normal concept after a relationship? However, I at the same time did not know the full extent of what Brian had told his mother about our relationship, or lack of one. She did seem to know something.

"That isn't the case at all!" She sounded shocked, before correcting what I had just said. "He wanted to come, and I tried to make him tag along, but he didn't know if you were going to be here and with your new boyfriend at that, he didn't want to make you uncomfortable." Yet he's coming tomorrow? I thought to myself.

"Does that mean he's not going to be at the party tomorrow if Tyler is going to be there?" My mom asking exactly what I had half just asked myself.

"Oh he wouldn't miss that for the world, and there would be far more people than just us, so he wouldn't feel like that was an uncomfortable situation" she smiled, making some sense I suppose. "So how are you and your boyfriend doing?" She smiled towards me now.

"We're doing good" I smiled back. Not wanting to go into full detail about my new relationship in case she was going to just report everything back to Brian. Not that he would want to know exactly, but I knew what his mother was like when talking about things. 

As the evening grew on, I had decided to stay at my moms house for the night. Carol had left about an hour ago, and I was now tucked up into my bed with Tyler sleeping peacefully beside me. My phone vibrated loudly on the bedside drawers, and I picked it up to see that Brian had sent me a text. What on earth does he want at this time?

'Meet me tonight?' It read. What? Maybe he had sent it to the wrong person.

'Why?' I typed back, waiting for him to send a text announcing that he had sent that to the wrong person.

'Just a drink and a catch up. I'm bored' 

I sighed, holding the phone to my chest before looking over at James snoring lightly.

'I can't, sorry' I texted back. Then for some reason I was fighting the urge to fall asleep for the next twenty minutes in case he were to respond, which he did not. 

The next morning, after finishing my breakfast, I collected the decorations and along with my brothers help, began to hang them in places in the garden. Everything but the balloons, that was. I didn't want them deflating in the sunlight, the party wasn't for another hour yet so I would inflate them nearer the time.

After I had taken the empty bags inside, I checked my phone to once more see Brian's name on the screen.

'Want me to head over early to help set up?' He asked.

'If you want' I texted back, not wanting to straight up say no and sound rude. He probably wanted to be a party of James' birthday as much as I did.

Around half an hour later, the doorbell sounded, and I heard my mom greeting Brian at the door, before he appeared in the kitchen behind me. I had my back turned to him, and in that moment I panicked and didn't know what to do, so I just pretended that I didn't hear him enter the room, that way I wouldn't have to greet him first, not knowing if I were to greet him with a hug or a ..handshake? Okay, maybe a handshake was a bit too far, but as you could tell - completely nervous.

"Hey stranger" his voice appeared next to me, as he gave me a quick side hug.

"Hey" I smiled, stuck on what to do next once more.

"Where's J?" He asked, sounding just as lost for words as I did.

"He's upstairs with my little brother, probably causing mayhem" I said, forgetting the change in James since the last time he had seen him. 

"Mind if I go see him?" He asked, keeping his hands pointed in the direction towards the stairs. I nodded in response before he left the room. A huge exhale leaving my body as I began to feel hot. I fanned my hand in front of my face before my boyfriend walked in the room.

"What did he want?" He asked, face looking less than pleased.

"He wanted to know where James is" I answered, thinking that answer was pretty clear.

"You gonna do the balloons yet?" He asked. 

"Yes, and you can help me" I said, putting emphasis on the you, knowing he wouldn't help me otherwise. He shot me a glare, before grabbing the bag of balloons and taking them to the patio outside. As I grabbed the small helium tank and joined him.

As he pulled out the balloons, my eyes grew in shock when I realized that he had once again not been paying any attention at all.

"2?" I asked. Looking up towards him less than happy. "They say 2 on them! They're supposed to say one!" I said throwing them back into the bag, now starting to get seriously annoyed. If he hadn't of picked up the wrong balloons the first time, I wouldn't have made such a big deal. I probably would have even laughed, but the fact that he had messed it up twice, just showed me that he hadn't been paying any attention at all. 

"How is this my fault?! I told you I didn't want to go to that store, you could have gone and picked them on your own" 

"I told you that I was going to find the balloons, but you had made a big song and dance about being in there for a shorter amount of time if we both were to split up and find things separately!" I raised my voice back, sure as hell not letting him pin the blame of this onto me, this was all his fault.

"Jess, they're just balloons, no one cares anyway. Not even James and it's his birthday" he dryly stated. Which was where he was completely and utterly wrong. James loved balloons more than anything, if he made more of an effort he would have known that. "I'm gonna go home and change, I'll be back later" he said, leaning in for a kiss, but I made sure to turn my head to the side, forcing him to kiss my cheek instead of my lips.

Five minutes after he had left, Brian entered the garden, sitting on one of the outside chairs next to mine.

"Your boyfriend is a real douche" he stated plainly, resting his foot up on his knee. 

"You heard all that?" I asked.

"Hard not to" he pointed up at the open window to the room that he was just in. 

"He just.. Never listens, I guess. It was just one thing. One tiny tiny thing, yet he knew how much it meant to me." 

"I know it was." He said, before getting up and walking back inside, not saying another word. So much for helping? The men in this household were completely and utterly useless. 

Tightening a knot onto one of the previously hung decorations, I had finally finished my envisioned product of the perfect party about fifteen minutes later. Minus the balloons, and all alone at that. But at least I could take all of the credit for it. That was a plus, right?

I heard the back door swing open behind me, before hearing a strange rustling sound. Turning around, wondering what the hell could be causing such a noise, I saw Q appear in the doorway once more, but this time his hands much more full. With already inflated balloons....with a number 1 painted on the sides..


	10. 10

"Oh Brian... You didn't have to do that." I said in astonishment as he placed the balloons on the ground, little weights intact to the strings so they wouldn't fly away. 

"It's a big day. For you and I both. I just didn't want anything to put a dampner on it." 

"You probably think I'm a complete moron for getting so upset over balloons.." I sniggered to myself. 

"Not at all." He smiled, untangling some of the strings, and I genuinely believed that he wasn't being in any way sarcastic, which made me feel happy knowing that he had paid attention, changed the outcome of my mood, and didn't think that I was overreacting. All the opposite of what Tyler had been doing today. Except Brian had been doing this all for his sons sake, Tyler on the other hand.. was just both a crummy boyfriend and letting down my son.  
"Plus, I knew how much it meant to you" he continued, but didn't bring himself to look at me when he said those words. What was I just saying about him doing this just for his son?

"Well thank you, Brian. I knew I was going to look back on his first birthday forever, so I wanted the memory to be perfect." 

He smiled, before looking confused. 

"Can I ask you something..?" Q asked, sounding slightly unsure on whether his question would receive a positive outcome or a negative one.

"That sounds like I should be worried.. But sure, go ahead." I replied, anxiously awaiting what was to come next.

"Just..Tell me something, and don't get mad when I ask you this, but.. Why do you let him talk to you like that?" 

"Who, Tyler?" I asked, playing it cool. I didn't want to make it look like he spoke to me like this all of the time, even though a majority of the time he did seem to have the upper hand.

"Yeah" Brian replied, almost seeming like he couldn't bring himself to say his name.

"He's just stressed, I guess" I awkwardly answered, not sure on how I was supposed to answer when I didn't know how to. Tyler liked things either his way, or am extremely specific way. So when he was asked to do things, he didn't like it, because he felt like he could do it better, or, on occasions like this where he is completely disinterested, he won't care to hide how he feels, which bugged me the most. He was dating a woman with a child.. Surely he should show some interest? I was new to dating people whilst being a mom, so I didn't know what was normal, and what wasn't. I wished that I had taken a few moments to think things through sometimes.

"That's how you defend him? You 'guess'?" I shrugged my shoulder in response. I thought the awkwardness would come from Tyler and Brian being around each other at some point today. Not Brian grilling me about him instead. "That's just how he speaks to you on the regular, isn't it?" He asked.

"Pretty much" I sighed. 

"Then it takes me back to the question that I asked.. Why do you let him talk to you like that?" He asked, sounding sympathetic. Just then Tyler walked through the back door, looking irked as he looked at the two of us in the garden alone.

"Hey" I smiled at him as he walked towards me sitting on the chair, giving me a kiss. As he pulled away, I saw Brian focusing on everything around him but us, clearly uncomfortable by Tyler's obvious reason for showing affection towards me. He was jealous, or felt threatened. He wanted to let Brian know that he was in fact the ex. It soon fell quiet again, before I snapped the awkward silence to a halt. "Oh. Tyler, this is Brian, Brian, Tyler." I said, pointing towards them both. They obviously both knew who the other was, and they both obviously already hated the other, but they still had to be introduced. Hopefully to keep all hostilities at bay. 

The pair shook hands and greeted one another, before Brian made an excuse to go and see James once more, leaving Tyler and I in the garden alone, awaiting the guests that would arrive any minute.

"So he got you the balloons then, huh?" Tyler asked.

"He got James the balloons." I corrected, hoping it would push him off of taking his annoyance out on me any further.

"What a great guy he is" he said, voice thick of sarcasm.

"Tyler, don't.." I said, calmly warning him.

"I just think it's funny how he makes no effort to see his kid for the months that we've been dating, yet on his birthday he can play superman and get all of the credit." He shook his head. Sure, Brian could have done more to see his son, but at the same time I understood why he couldn't. He was on tour, and under contract to film, if he had a spare moment, I knew in my heart that Brian would be here with his son. I was just glad that he managed to get his birthday off at least, that was even asking a lot when it came to his hectic schedual.

"He's much busier than us" is all I replied back.

"I swear if you are already making excuses for him I'll be out of that door quicker than anything" he said, pointing to the door. At this point not actually really caring on whether or not he left or stayed. His attitude was really affecting me today. And I think Brian bringing it up had made me realize it ten times more.

"His lifestyle isn't the same as our lifestyle, that's all I was saying." I said.

"Well then maybe he should learn to put his child before his lifestyle" 

"By lifestyle, I meant job, not parties and lying on the couch until 4pm every day" I reacted quickly, making reference to what he did daily and his lack of job. Unless you counted 4 hour days at minimum wage a job. I didn't realize that I had reacted in such a way until I had already done it. Brian was still the father of my child, and the fact that he did this job meant that his son could continue to live comfortably. Of course I wanted him to see James more, but other than that one small obstacle, I wasn't going to fault him at all on his skills as a father. Something which Tyler was despised by, because he did in fact storm out of that door just as quickly as he said he would. The mature option, once again.

                                                 _

 

"You know what, fuck it, I'm kinda glad that he wasn't there" Brian stated, not seeming ashamed by his statement one bit. "I had a damn good day, I fixed his damn mess, and the fact that I intimidate him that much? Makes me feel damn fucking ecstatic." Brian's enthusiasm filled the now empty kitchen of my parents house. The party was great, James loved his presents, there was no arguing, and as Brian previously stated.. It was kind of better having Tyler not be there. 

"It's getting pretty late, though" I said, looking down at my watch. It was coming up for 10pm, and I knew that I should have been heading back to my own apartment at least three hours ago. 

"Do you really wanna be waking James up? I remember your text the last time that happened." He chuckled.

"Probably not.. That was a violent three hours of screaming.." I said, leaning my elbows on the counter and rubbing my temples, feeling stressed even just thinking about that awful night. "I should probably just stay here the night tonight." 

"Or.. You could come out with me?" Brian asked, almost pleadingly. 

"Why are you always so intent on getting me out and drunk? I'm not one of your boys" I said, rolling my eyes. Even when he and I were together, he was always pestering me to come on nights out with him and his friends, yet I was still scarred from the few times that I did. They were on a whole new level.

"Because I'm pretty sure you haven't been away from J for one night, especially not to have fun. He turned one today, even more reason to celebrate."

"Hey I have been out, Tyler and I occasionally go to dinner." I protested how lame he made me out to sound, although, I was in fact leading a less than exciting life these days.

"So I was right, you haven't had one night of fun since you became a mom" I rolled my eyes at his dig at Tyler, choosing to ignore it this time.

"Are you saying that I'm a boring mom?" I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"If I was, would you come out with me?" He asked.

"Well I have to prove you wrong so I guess I have no choice at this point" 

"Awesome, let me call us a cab" he smiled, pulling his phone out of his pocket. I knew my next move was to ask my mother to babysit James for the night, I just wondered how she would react when she knew I was going out with Brian. I was already aware that she would purposely bring his name up in conversations, yet I still didn't know if that was because she just did that casually, or if she wanted me to acknowledge him more.

Walking into the living room, my mom intensely into her TV show, I slid next to her on the couch.

"Hey, mom?" I asked, withdrawing her attention from the screen.

"Yes, honey?" 

"Brian wants to hang out, do you mind keeping an ear out for James?" 

"Your Brian?" She quizzed, probably confused that I would agree to hang out with him in the first place.

"Not my Brian, but Brian, Brian, yes." I replied.

"Well sure, you wouldn't want to wake him up. Just be sure to be quiet when you get home." She smiled, like she had just made us go out together herself or something. She was definitely way more fond of Brian than she was Tyler, that's for sure.

After thanking my mom, I was about to walk back into the kitchen, when Brian walked out.

"The cab just pulled up, come on" he said, walking towards the front door. 

Oh god. What have I let myself in for?


	11. 11

"I can't believe that you have subjected me to this" I said, as Brian returned to the table with our first round of drinks, placing my glass in front of me before licking his finger where it had spilled over.

"I didn't subject you to anything, you were easily won over." He stated matter-of-factly, causing me to roll my eyes. 

It suddenly fell silent, besides the murmurs of the many voices surrounding us. Neither of us knew what to say, and that was very unlike us.

"I can't believe our son turned one today" I sighed, trying my best to start some type of conversation.

"Me neither" he said, after a mouthful of his beer, clenching his face at the realization of how cold his drink was. "I still can't believe that I even have a son. Some days I sit there and just think 'damn, I have a kid!' It's still crazy to me" 

"I know, but crazy good" I smiled, hoping he had meant it in the same context as me.

"Oh definitely" he smiled even bigger.

"Do you ever wonder what would of happened with us if James hadn't come along?" I asked, curiosity taking ahold of me. 

"In what respect?" He asked.

"Just in a if I didn't get pregnant, do you think we would have even been boyfriend and girlfriend in the first place, or would we had just been friends with benefits?" 

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that question?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Why?" I questioned, confused.

"Well you were the one always up for sex, you didn't want a relationship at all." 

"Oh quit with that smug face" I laughed, it was true, but I definitely was not being a sex pest, we both equally enjoyed the others body quite the bit.

"The sex was fucking crazy, though" he shook his head in disbelief, then taking a sip of his drink. "I remember the nights in between seeing you the most. I drove myself crazy. I was the definition of pussy whipped, always wanting more" 

"And now I'm just a boring mom, right?" 

"Hey you could still be crazy in the sack, I'm not faulting your skills" 

I got lost in thought after hearing those words, realizing how much of a difference in my life there was between me back then and me now.

"I mean, it's definitely hard to be up to that standard these days" 

"Two second Tyler busting his nut too quick?" His banter towards Tyler returning once more. Me again not knowing what to say. "Your lack of answer confirms that in my head, you know"

"It's definitely just.... different with him, I suppose?" 

"You're confirming. Thank you" he said, cheersing his glass in my direction before finishing his glass.

"No, no.. You're just, you know, different" I knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. 

"How?" 

"You're just.. bigger" I finally blurted out, causing him to throw his head back in laughter, smiling from ear to ear, completely amused by this news. "And he hasn't ever gone down on me.. like, ever" his look changing from pure amusement to bewilderment instantly.

"The dude is not a real man at all" he winked. "I'm gonna get us another drink, maybe a couple shots, I've just noticed that alcohol is landing me with golden information" he said, before getting up from our table and walking over to the bar.

                       

    
                                                     -

4 drinks and many shots later, I was definitely feeling the affects of the alcohol warm my body. Q and I had been at the bar for a little over four hours now, and none of us seemed to have any intention of slowing down. The only issue was the bar was about to close, so we had to move the party onwards, so we made our way to Q's hotel room, and ordered a few bottles of wine and an insane amount of food that we would be both regretting in the morning along with the accompanied hangover.

After finishing one bottle, Q popped open the second, fizz flowing everywhere from the bottle, and him being slightly drunk found the best option to help stop the mess was to lick the bottle to save some of the liquid.

"That's the most tongue action you've seen in months, right?" he laughed deeplyt at his own joke. But even I couldn't help but laugh at that one, he was right after all. "I still can't get over that, what a selfish pig. I can practically still feel you pulling my hair from when I used to eat you so good" I choked on the drink I was trying to swallow in the same moment.

"Brian!" I scoffed, hitting his arm. 

"What!" He announced like he had done nothing wrong. "I was just saying" 

"Oh I could tell" 

"So I gotta ask, has he ever even made you orgasm?" 

"Why are you so interested in my sex life all of a sudden?" 

"Because I like to hear how I'm better, it makes me feel better about someone else fucking you, knowing if he's doing a bad job. But at the same time, I feel sorry for you" 

"You're definitely drunk right now" I stated.

"I'm definitely not" he answered, "I've drank less than you. And you're still a prude" 

"I am not an prude!" 

"So then tell me, has he ever made you orgasm?" 

"No. No he has never made me orgasm, his dick is small and all he cares about is getting himself off. Does that make your ego feel better now?"

"Yes, actually" he smiled that smug smile once more, before swigging from the bottle. "Do you miss it?" 

"Miss what, your ego?" 

"No, feeling good" 

"When was the last time you got laid?" I asked, questioning his behavior tonight. It wasn't that I was uncomfortable, I just had to remember that there were certain things I couldnt discuss whilst I had a boyfriend. 

"When was the last time you orgasmed?" He asked, which I shrugged in response, honestly not knowing. "That's my answer" he said. "Let's do some tequila shots, I need to forget how lame my game is right now".

As much as he stated that he wasn't drunk, and that he had drunk less than me, it wasn't all complete truth. He was definitely tipsy at least. I knew Brian, I knew when he had a decent amount of alcohol in his system that he began to talk about sex more often than usual.

Half an hour later I had thrown in my drinking towel to stop myself from vomitting. I was definitely way more relaxed now, much to Q's pleasure.

"You wanna play spin the bottle?" 

"You can't play spin the bottle with just two people, idiot" I giggled at the suggestion.

"They also say you cant play as an adult but I'm still gonna, so with two people, sure we can"

"I have a boyfriend, we can't be playing games like that" I pouted out my bottom lip.

"You're no fun with a boyfriend" he bluntly said.

"I am too." I replied in return.

"So prove it then" 

"And how might I do that?" 

He sat there for a moment, thinking through what his answer would be, before that familiar mischievous look took ahold of his face. 

"Actually, it's more of an offer, but you just have to agree to it first" 

"Go on.." I said, beginning to wonder what he had come up with.

"I'll spin the bottle. And if it lands on me, then you can get away with the boring I have a boyfriend card, and stay forever unpleasured. And if it lands on you... " I motioned my hand to speed up his answer. "Then I go down on you.. until you cum" he gave me a look, reading my facial expressions, hoping they wouldn't turn to those of an angry sort. I soon raised my eyebrows in shock, that being the last thing that I expected to hear him say. I wanted to answer, I wanted nothing more than to have no ties in the world right now and potentially succumb myself to one of the most pleasurable things that I had the luckiness to once enjoy. I wanted to answer, but with him I never had one. "You have a boyfriend, I get it, I shouldn't have said anythi.."

"Spin it" I interrupted. 

"What?" He asked, surprised by my answer.

"Just spin the bottle, before I over think this" 

I don't know where the sudden confidence and change in my mind had come from, but there was a 50% chance that it would land on nothing. But then there was that 50% that could leave me with the most addictive relief I had ever experienced, and maybe it was that addiction that lead me to contemplate cheating on my boyfriend.

He placed the empty bottle between us, spinning it with as much force as it needed, us both sat on either side like we were both 16 years old, waiting for it to stop and point at either him or myself. 

As it began to slow down, I closed my eyes, hoping that it would land on me, but knowing full well that it shouldn't.

"Oh" I heard Brian's voice alert that it had stopped. I opened my eyes to see the empty wine bottle facing towards him. My mood flattening at being so close to feeling his tongue word wonders on my body once more, before it got pulled away just as quickly. "Probably for the best, right?" He laughed awkwardly. 

"Probably" I smiled just as awkwardly back. The sexual tension in the room was thicker than ice in January, but either one of us knew that we couldn't act upon it.

"We should probably go to bed now?" He asked, pointing towards the bed, me nodding in response. Us both acting like the last five minutes didn't even happen.

We had both earlier on decided that we were going to be staying here tonight. A much less awkward decision when you hadn't just made a deal to receive oral sex from him and then be denied it.

I climbed into bed, switching on the bedside lamp before Brian turned the ceiling light off. He walked over to his side, and I watched as he unclasped his belt buckle, before sliding his pants down, pretending I had my eyes shut the whole time when he turned around.

As I turned over in bed, I came into contact with something. And I knew exactly what that something was.

"Oh my god, do you have a boner right now?" I moved to lay on my back, covering my smile with my hands.

"You think we're gonna go through all that and for me to not be turned on?" He said, like it was the most normal thing in the world, which it was, because I was equally just as turned on, I just luckily avoided situations like those. My next move coming to you by yours truly - alcohol. Raising the blanket slightly, I moved my head to look under, before Brian caught on to what I was doing. 

"What are you doing?" He asked, obviously knowing but trying to play himself of as innocent,

"Just trying to have a quick peak" I giggled, pulling the blanket out of his grasp that he had just covered himself with.

"At my dick?" 

"Mhmm" I said, pulling once more. "Now move your hand" I pulled even harder, the blanket coming out from his grasp, his prominent boner on clear show through his boxers, causing me to giggle once more, before putting the blanket down.

"You're so weird" Brian laid on his back, and I shuffled in closer to him, laying on my side, resting my hand on his stomach, before slowly running them down further. He knew exactly what I was doing, and I knew that he was going to be the last person to stop me. My fingers travelled further, until they met the waist band of his underwear, before I slowly slipped them in, grasping his dick in my hand, wasting no time whatsoever as I started to jack him off. I rested my chin on his shoulder, watching his face the best I could in the dim light of the lamp, accompanied by the fogginess of the alcohol clouding my vision. I could hear the sounds of his breath catching in his throat, accompanied by the sound of my hand rubbing under the fabric of his underwear and blanket.

I couldn't bear it any longer, after only just missing out on the opportunity, I feel like I had teased myself more for going along with the whole bottle game in the first place. Brian didn't need telling twice, he was just as hungry as I was. 

"Fuck the game" he announced, pushing me onto my back before disappearing under the blanket. I felt his fingers tuck under the waist of my pants, pulling them down along with my underwear, pushing my legs apart and over his shoulders once he had rid my clothing to the floor. I felt both of his hands run down either side of my folds, parting me gently with his fingers before I felt the wet warmth of his tongue dig deep into my most intimate area. A feeling I had yet to feel in almost 7 months, a feeling that was just as great as I remembered it to be and he had only just started. 

"Oh my god, Brian" I moaned, my hands instantly roaming straight to his hair, causing me to smile and bite down on my bottom lip remembering what he had said earlier about me doing this exact gesture. The movements of his tongue now speeding up and becoming more sloppy with how they were planted. All I could see was the movement of his head underneath the blanket, but the feeling of how he worked his tongue in all different motions had goosebumps forming all over my body. He retracted himself for a short moment, before I felt him crawl up my body, his hair all over the place as he popped his head out from under the blanket. I began to worry that he had had a change of heart, and wanted to stop.

"Sorry I just needed air" he laughed, causing me to laugh too. 

"Oh, good. I don't want you to stop" I said, placing my hand into his hair, rummaging my fingers slowly on his scalp as he hovered above my body. 

"Oh I'm not stopping until you come. Whether we're playing by the games rules or not" he raised his eyebrows, giving me a seductive look. 

I slid my hands from his hair until they were on either side of his face, hinting at him to lean in and kiss me, him picking up on the hint instantly, before his lips were planted on mine once more. His tongue wasting no time running across my bottom lip before battling for dominance against my own, the whole time his clothed hard length rubbing over my bare bottom half, causing me to moan into the kiss. I reached my hand into his underwear once more, leaving one hand rested on his face as we continued to make out. Gripping his dick, I arched my back, rubbing the tip of his dick up and down repeatedly over my clit, causing myself pleasure using him as a choice of weapon. He groaned deeply into my mouth, before pushing his hips down, the head of his penis slightly entering my entrance, but not completely. I reached both of my hands around to his backside, pulling him in closer to my core, letting him know that I was done playing games now. I just needed him inside me. His own hand reaching down inbetween us, pushing his boxers down, then flicking them off using his leg, he then grabbed his member, lining himself up before pushing himself slowly into my opening, letting me adjust to his size. Gripping his shoulder with one hand, the other clenching the pillow behind me, I slowly began to feel the pleasure over take the uncomfortable feeling as I adjusted. The same pleasure he had given me multiple times before, which I had fantasized about almost every time I had been in bed with Tyler. There had to be a reason why we ended up in bed with each other every time we were around one another, and my only explanation was that it was because it was more than right. 

I flipped him over so that I was now on top, sinking slowly down onto his length, watching him watch as he disappeared inside my core, throwing his head onto his pillow once he had been fully engulfed. 

"This was not what I had expected when I invited you out tonight" he chuckled through a big exhale, awaiting my movement to start. 

"Me neither" I said, before rolling my hips slowly, his fingertips gripping into my sides harder at the rhythm.

After I had gained a steady pace, Brian decided to intercept, bending his legs at the knees underneath me, before thrusting up into me at an impeccable speed. I couldn't continue the rolling of my hips, the pleasure was all too much. His thrusts became faster, his spare hand went from my hip to my clit as he began rubbing circles, I couldn't contain the string of intense moans escaping my mouth, and the grip my nails had on his chest caused us both to laugh slightly as he could tell I hadn't felt this good in a long, long time. I moved one hand from his chest and kissed him, us both moaning into the others mouth.

"Get up" he said, after pulling away from the kiss. I retracted myself from him, awaiting further instruction, which he did not give. He came and knelt in between my legs, before pulling his shirt off. "Turn over" he motioned for me to get into doggy style.

This time when he had entered me, the position and his size seeming more noticeable then ever as he plunged into me, gripping the sheets as he did this. He wrapped my hair in his hand, tugging it, whines full with need filling the room.  His thrusts now insatiably hard, hips colliding with my ass that he couldn’t stop grabbing, moans increasing in volume and pitch, he knew I was close, and began pulling my hair tighter as he upped his force.

“You gonna cum for me?” He growled in my ear before turning my head to look at him, he knew I was on the brink of an orgasm. 

I couldn’t get any words out because I was too overwhelmed with pleasure. I heard him chuckle in my ear, knowing my moans were his favorite thing, they always were like music to his ears. A reward, because he knew he was giving me something which he thought I deserved. I could hear his moans begin to sound more desperate, he knew he felt himself ready to burst, but he knew he needed to get me over the edge first, something that I was beginning to feel in the pit of my stomach for the first time in a while.

He reach his hand around my front, and as he began to rub my clit faster, I came udone beneath him, trying my best not to collapse on my shaky limbs. Brian pumped a few more thrusts before I felt him pull out, groaning loudly as he finished himself on my back. He stayed behind me, hand on my hip, until he caught his breath, before laying on his back next to me panting, his hair sticking to his slightly damp forehead.

"Fucking hell" he panted heavily beside me.

"Yeah thanks for just leaving that there" I said, before getting up and walking to the adjoining bathroom, grabbing some tissues and walking back out, throwing them on Brian before turning my back to him so he could clean up his mess that he had just left.

"Oh, my bad" he began laughing, before grabbing the tissue and wiping my lower back. I soon laid down after, pulling the blanket over the pair of us. The sun was now beginning to peak through the curtain, and I knew it had to be later than 5am. 

"We should probably actually get some sleep now" I suggested as I looked over at the daylight coming through the drapes. As I waited for what Brian was to say next, I was instead met with the sound of his light snoring. I can't believe that this had happened again. And most importantly, why did it never feel wrong?


	12. 12

Scanning the room with hazy eyes, awoken by the sound of my phones ringtone sounding from somewhere in the room, I immediately began to recall everything that had happened last night as I saw Brian sleeping beside me. Locking contact with my phone lit up on the floor, I slid out of bed as carefully as I could, trying my best not to wake up Brian as for all I knew it could be a completely unreasonable hour still.

As I picked up my phone, I checked the time. It was 2pm, people would definitely be wondering where I was at this point. And by people, I specifically meant my boyfriend. Especially after noticing that I had 7 missed calls from him in the last 30 minutes. The only person that knew where I was - or who I was with, even - was my mother. And I knew that she was perfectly fine with looking after James for the night, especially if she thought there would be patching up with Q. Which is probably why she hadn't called or texted me. I could only hope that she hadn't told Tyler that I was with him. But the fact that I had missed that amount of calls in that amount of time was definitely a bit worrying. 

I didn't know what to do at this point, but I did know that I didn't want to run away. It's not like last night was filled with intimacy and feelings. At least from what I can remember. It was just a very alcohol influenced night, that accidentally lead to much more. Do I wake him up? Do I let him sleep? Do I call Tyler back? I didn't know what to do or what to start with. I suppose my best option would be to let my boyfriend know that I was alive. That was always a start. 

'Sorry, just woke up. Late one last night' I decided to go with a text. That way if there were questions to follow I'd at least have time to think about what I was going to say next, instead of tripping over my own words.

'Where are you?' He replied. I definitely couldn't tell him I was at my parents house in case he had already been there, or would turn up there. And I definitely couldn't tell him the hotel that I was at in case he decided to come here. 

'Getting some coffee in town' I tapped back. Hoping to bore him with the details in hope that he wouldn't care to hear more. Not getting a response instantly like the other times told me that was true. Or that he was still mad about last night and wanted an apology or something, who knew. I know for a fact that he wouldn't be getting an apology out of me for defending the father of my child when his parental abilities were being disrespected, I didn't like that one bit. But sleeping with the father of my child... Probably a whole different story. I hadn't even begun to think what I was going to do about that. And the fact that I didn't seem to be feeling an ounce of guilt or remorse at this point.. Well that couldn't have been the best of signs for my relationship. 

"Fuck, my head" I heard Brian groaning from the bed, looking up from the spot that I had perched myself on the floor, hoping he wouldn't be sitting up any time soon as I still hadn't put on any of my clothes just yet.

"Wait, don't sit up yet" I blurted out when I heard the movement of him under the blanket.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because I'm naked, that's why" I stated, like my answer should have been obvious. Brian obviously having a different view.

"Jess.. I saw you naked last night?" He half told, half questioned. Clearly confused by my worry.

"That's different. I was drunk, it was kinda dark. Now it's daylight, and we're both sober" 

"And you remembered that have a boyfriend, got it" 

I could not tell at all if that was a genuine or catty comment.

"I just didn't want you to see me naked, that's all." I said, throwing my shirt on, enough to cover my modesty, before standing up and perching myself onto the bed next to him still laying down. It was quiet once again, which lead me to think that his comment might have been one of the angry sort. "Are you mad at me?.." 

"What? No, not at all. But I know someone that will be mad" he replied.

"He doesn't have to know.." I began, before he cut me off slowly.

"I wasn't talking about Tyler." He sighed.

"Then who are you talking about?" I asked.

"..I've kinda been seeing someone back in New York." 

My mouth fell into an O shape. I was not expecting that one. There was no mention that he had a girlfriend at all, especially when he was the one that suggested every sexual favor exchanged last night.

"Oh?" I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. 

"Yeah. Big Oh." He said.

"You just.. You didn't..."

"Didn't what?" Q quizzed.

"You just, didn't act like you had a girlfriend last night, that's all" 

"Neither did you" he answered, trying to make it clear that he wasn't the only one to be blamed for this happening. Not that I was even trying to blame him in the first place, I just thought - or knew - that this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't taken me out drinking, or spoke about everything sexual known to man kind. I couldn't help but think that he knew me well enough to know that last night would have played out in exactly that way.

"But at least I mentioned that I had a boyfriend" 

"You say that like it justifies the fact that you slept with me. You would have still done that even if you knew that I had a girlfriend, in fact that would have probably made you want to do that more."  

"Bit full of yourself aren't we?" 

"You and I both knew that this would happen at one point or another, whether we're with different people or not. It's just what we do." 

"I was perfectly fine with just hanging out and drinking with you until you suggested the sexual acts" I tried to defend myself, I think to mostly make myself feel better about this situation. I knew that I was just as bad as him by doing this, but there was that part of me that thought that this really wouldn't have happened if he hadn't decided to make his proposition in the firsdt place.

"The sexual acts were way out of the way when you were pulling the blanket away and jacking me off" He raised his voice equally back. He got me there.. Fuck. I crossed my arms, looking down at my feet. There was nothing more to say, but I couldn't leave just yet not knowing how this would turn out. If Brian was going to tell his girlfriend, then I had to be the one to tell Tyler before anyone else did first. "Were you serious before?" His voice filling the short silence.

"Serious about what?" 

"You said that Tyler didn't have to know. Are you really not gonna tell him?" He asked.

"Well.. Are you gonna be telling..." I paused, motioning for him to tell me her name.

"Nicole." 

"Will you be telling Nicole?" I asked. He shrugged in response, looking down, playing with his own fingers.

"It's just not that serious right now." 

"Do you think that it could be serious one day?" I recieved another shrug in response. "Then we should just keep this to ourselves. At least for now" 

Brian's shrugging now turning to a slow nod in agreement.

"Now comes the hard part, though" Brian sighed deeply.

"What part is that?" I asked, wondering what it could possibly be.

"The part where you have to keep your hands off of me" he smiled, trying to add lightness to the heavy conversation that we were having. Which made me think he was changing the conversation so he didn't have to talk about his feelings anymore. Something he had done many times before. 

"Everything is getting to your head way too much these days, big shot." I replied after rolling my eyes at his words. "I should really get going though.." I said, before getting up to fetch the remainder of my clothes off the floor.

As I smoothed my hair down, I looked in the mirror before zipping my jacket up, I heard Brian's voice come from behind me.

"I'm not leaving L.A. until next week.. If you wanna do something, you know with James, obviously, just text me?" He asked, almost sounding nervous.

"Sounds good" I smiled, before reaching for the door handle. Genuinely meaning that. If James was there, at least there would be no way that this would happen again. 

"I guess I'll see you around?" He was now walking towards the door, nude body covered by a loosely tied robe. Placing one hand onto the open door as I walked out into there corridor. Feeling an intense feeling of Deja vu remembering the last time this had happened almost identically outside of my apartment.

"You definitely will" I smiled as I left the hotel room, beginning to walk down the corridor, hearing his door shut shortly after. I had never felt more blank in a moment more than what I did now. He had a girlfriend? What was she like? Why hadn't he mentioned her before? And more importantly.. was she prettier than me?


	13. 13

"Hold on!" I yelled to whoever was trying to get my attention, knocking louder than any usual person would at my front door at this time of night. As I opened it I saw Tyler standing in front of me. "Where's the fire?" I questioned the loudness of his knock. 

"What?" He questioned back, confused.

"Well there must have been a reason for your urgency. What's wrong?" 

"Nothing's wrong, I just came over." His voice slurring slightly. He was clearly intoxicated. 

"Did you seriously come over here drunk right now?" I asked in disbelief. He knew that James would have been in bed by now, and he knew for a fact that I didn't like drunk people in his presence. And here he was, wasted on my doorstep, making all of the noise in the world. 

"I'm not drunk" he said, leaning on my door frame for balance. His words proving otherwise.

"Look at you, you can barely stand!" I proclaimed, not hiding the fact I was not impressed at all by his behavior.

"Jess, I'm fine. Now just let me in" he said as he proceeded to step forward, to which I pushed the door up slightly to stop him entering. "What was that for?" 

"You're not coming in. I can call you a cab so you can get home, but you will not be stepping one foot in this apartment in that state." 

"God, you're so dull." He groaned, before stepping back. 

"Yeah, okay, thank you." I said before closing the door completely. I wasn't going to stand there and let myself get verbally abused by someone that couldn't even use the effort to work one brain cell. Some days I wouldn't even give him the credit of thinking that he even had one. Today was one of those days.

As I sat down, about to start a good two hours of Netflix binging, my phone pinged on the couch cushion beside me.

'Check your instagram ASAP.' I read the text from my best friend Kara, instantly wondering why she would suggest such a thing when she knew that I hated that site more than anything. Well, that and twitter. Ever since Q had announced that we were together many moons ago, I had found out that a lot of jealous and evil people hid in the realms of an online comment. So I always tried my best to avoid it, or at least avoid reading anything written about me. 

Logging onto the app, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. Confused, I decided to text Kara back and question what on earth she had been talking about.

'What exactly am I supposed to be looking at?' I responded.

'Look at your tagged pictures. Someone saw you and Q together yesterday and uploaded it' 

I wasn't feeling incredibly worried by the text. Brian and I had been together yesterday celebrating our sons birthday, we had reason to be seen together. I wasn't feeling worried until I saw the picture, that is. It was of Q and I entering the hotel late at night, a little worse for wear after our drinking session, seeming to be holding one another up as we walked through the door.

Checking the account name, I realized that it was an account attached to an online gossip website, or blog, what have you. Attached to the photo was a link to their website with whatever they had written about the picture that they had posted. I had to do the opposite of what I usually did, which was not look. I had to know what this person had seen or heard, and I definitely had to make sure that there wasn't any more pictures like this one.

Clicking the link, the title of the article popped up in bold writing.

'JESSICA DOLORES AND BRIAN QUINN; ON OR OFF?" 

Oh what a great start... Reading further, it had pictures attached of us getting out of the taxi and a few more of us walking into the hotel. The article was talking about how we were witnessed by fans drinking at a local bar, then seen leaving together in a taxi. Not the best thing to be on the internet.. My only hope was that Tyler wouldn't see this article or the pictures at least. If I hadn't known anything about them, then surely he won't find out either? Or was that just wishful thinking? And technically, I didn't lie about what I did that night. I just said that it had been a late one. He was the one that didn't care to ask any further questions, so I guess that slight defence was always there. Well.. as long as he didn't see the picture of him with his arm around me anyways..

'Do you think anyone will see it?' I texted Kara.

'If you don't want anyone to see it, then untag the photo so it isn't on your profile anymore. Also fill me in ASAP as to what actually happened last night. Those pictures seemed cozy. You and Tyler doing okay?'

'So much information in that text to take in.. But you wouldn't believe the night I just had.'

'So we're avoiding the questioning of your relationship with Tyler then are we?' She asked, catching me red handed.

'Yes we are. I'm mad at him right now' I replied.

'Ok.. So what was the deal with Q? Haven't seen you and him in the same room together since.. Forever?' 

'Honestly.. we hooked up last night..' I texted back.

'WHAT?!' 

'I know.. I'm just wondering how to deal with all of this right now. We were both drunk and one thing lead to another.'

'Does he still want you back?' She asked.

'He has a girlfriend now' 

'This story just keeps on getting better and better..wow. I wonder if she's on instagram too..' 

'You're addicted' I typed back, not receiving the quick response that I usually would get from her, leading me to believe that she had fallen asleep. So with that I decided to hang up my netflix crown and call it a night also.

Climbing into bed, my phone sounding once more before Kara's name lit up the screen. As I opened the text, my heart fell into the pit of my stomach. It was a picture of Brian and his new girlfriend together. Specifically her sitting on his lap at a table with his arms around her waist, both smiling contently at whoever was taking the picture. It was almost funny to me that when Q had told me that he had been seeing someone new, I felt no ounce of jealousy in my system. But the moment that I saw photographic evidence of the couple, it felt like my heart had crumbled into a million tiny pieces. I don't know if it was because I hadn't seen them physically together at that point, so it didn't seem as real. But now that this picture was on the screen right in front of me, it began to feel very, very real. She definitely seemed like the type of girl that he would go for, the usual blonde, preppy big-boobed look. She had to be young, but she had to be a little older than me at the same time. I definitely felt like I couldn't even begin compete with a girl like that. Which made me start to wonder.. why on earth would he cheat on a girl like that?


	14. 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo two chapters in one night :)

The next morning I woke up to my phone laid across my chest, telling me that I had fallen asleep shortly after receiving Kara's text. Something of which I would not be re-opening again today. As I got up to shower before James woke up, I stood and looked myself in the mirror intensely. I looked like a mess, not even giving myself the benefit of the doubt that I had just woken up. Since seeing Q's new girlfriend my self confidence had definitely dropped instantly. No wonder it was so easy for him to move on when he had girls that looked like that knocking around town. 

After I had finished drying my hair, I was placing James into his high chair to feed him his breakfast when the landline began to ring.

"Hold on a minute buddy" I cooed to James who impatiently sat hitting his plastic spoon on the table, awaiting his breakfast still. Food was definitely not a joke to this kid.

"Hello?" I said, answering the phone. Covering my other ear with my free hand to shield out the noise that James was making in the background.

"Hey, Jess? It's Brian. I'm outside your apartment, are you in?" He asked. Why the heck was he outside of my apartment? 

"Yeah, I'll buzz you up" I then pressed the button to unlock the buildings main door, before unlocking the door to my apartment and leaving it open, awaiting his arrival back at the table. Two minutes later I heard the door shut quietly, before footsteps became louder to my position in the kitchen. I hadn't turned around, but judging by the huge smile on James' face which was covered in baby porridge, I knew that he was standing in the doorway behind me.

"Hey little man" his voice filled the kitchen, before taking the seat next to him at the table. Q and I still not exchanging any words just yet. 

"I uh, I tried your cell but you didn't answer, so I called your landline" he tried to start of some type of conversation, no matter how lame the opening line sounded.

"I did wonder why you randomly called the house phone" I replied, not realizing that he had even called my cell.

"Yeah.." 

"You okay? You seem pretty quiet" I asked him. It was pretty unusual for him to be this quiet when at someone else's place, especially when he had asked to come over.. Or in this case asked to come in.

"I'm just tired. I wanted to see what you guys were up to" he smiled small. There definitely seemed like there was something up with him, but I wasn't going to be the one to force it out of him. He and I weren't that close anymore to dive into each others personal business.

"Well we are doing nothing. But I was actually thinking about taking him to the zoo today. If you wanted to tag along?" I asked.

"Sounds good" he replied. His short response really making me wonder what was wrong. I had already asked him why he was so quiet which was almost as good as asking him what was wrong, so at this point I guess I had to wait for him to open up to me by himself. 

"Do you wanna finish feeding him while I go get ready?" I asked, holding out the jar and spoon in his direction, before he took them from my grasp gently without saying a word. 

We had been in the car for twenty minutes, and Q's shift in mood didn't seem to be changing at all. He had barely spoken a full sentence the whole time we had been in the car together.

"You know.. You're giving me a headache from how much you're talking my ears off today" I said, trying my best to subtly alert him that I knew about his bad mood, hoping it would somehow work and that he'd decide to open up about it. It was getting to the point where I really wanted to know why he was acting this way. 

"Huh? What?" Q shook his head, my words snapping him out of his steady glare that he had going on out of the window.

"I said you're very quiet" I giggled to myself at his reaction.

"Sorry, just got a lot on my mind right now" he replied. 

"I guess it makes a change from me being the boring one" my mind replaying Tyler's words from last night, which made my sentence come across with a little more attitude than I had intended.

"You're never boring" Q said, seeming sincere with his words.

"Okay, dull then. That is what I got called last night by my loving boyfriend" 

"Well I did tell you that your boyfriend's a douche" 

"You're not half wrong" I sighed.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm having a few relationship issues myself" Bingo.. Maybe this was the reason to his bad mood.

"Oh yeah? What's your issue?" I quizzed, trying to keep my voice sounding less than prying.

"She's mad because I won't be home until next week" he replied.

"I thought she already knew that?" 

"Ah" Brian said, smiling awkwardly.

"What?" I asked, giving him a quick glance before focusing back on the road.

"I was supposed to leave the same night as the party." 

"Oh?" I couldn't hide the confusion in my answer.

"She invited me to this dinner party thing the next night, and I promised her that I'd be back in time for it" 

"Ohhh" my oh'ing changing from one of confusion to realization.

"But instead I cancelled my flight and ended up spending the night with you" 

"I'm still lost on something, though" 

"What would that be?" He asked.

"You could have still made in back in time for dinner." I answered.

"I know" he said smirking, turning his head to look at me, not looking away until I flashed him a quick smile back. Was that him just admitting to blowing his girlfriend off so he could spend some more time with me?

"A week extra is a long lie to just avoid a dinner party, though.." I said, maybe a silent hint just to hear him tell me about how he ditched his girlfriend once more.. Talk about being severely sadistic..

"Why? Can't deal with me for that long?" He chuckled for the first time today, it sounding more than good to hear.

"It's you I can deal with. Your girlfriend probably wanting to kill me... Not so much"

"She can't kill what she doesn't know about. Besides, I'm staying because work came up." He said, air quoting the word 'work'. 

"You better not had done this when you and I were together" I huffed.

"Nah" he replied. "You're one of the very few people that I think I could be around continuously without ever feeling bored" he smiled at me once again. "No matter how dull you are"


	15. 15

After spending the day at home, and Q carrying a tired James from the car straight to his bedroom, I lingered in the kitchen not knowing what to do with myself. I knew that once James was in bed, Q would return and most likely want to stick around for a little while considering he knew very little people in L.A, and the thought of being left alone with him once again made me feel extremely nervous in that moment.

"He was out like a light" Q chuckled as he walked through the door.

"Whenever you're around he refuses to nap, that's why. You're an awful influence" 

"So he'll sleep through the night then. See how my presence is actually helping you?" He said, causing me to giggle at his smugness. "In more ways than one, too" he added.

"And in what other ways has your existence made my life so much easier, hmm?" I questioned.

"Well our child will sleep through the night. You haven't had to deal with a certain douchebag, and you've been smiling a lot more since you had an orgasm for the first time in 6 months. So.. you're welcome" he winked, causing me to hit his arm in response. 

"You shouldn't be proud of that!" I scoffed. Suddenly his face which was brimming with laughter and jokes before soon took a miserable twist.

"Yeah.." He answered quietly, before walking into the living area, me following closely behind. As he sat down on the couch, slowly looking up at me walking to the couch opposite of him, he sighed deeply. Something he always seemed to do when discussing his relationship. "Do you ever feel like you're doing something, but for the completely wrong reason?" He asked.

"Sometimes. Depends what you mean by that question though" 

"Just.. You and Tyler. Have you always been like that or is the way he is with you a more recent thing?" 

"I guess he wasn't as bad at first, but he definitely seems to he getting a lot more aggressive in the way he speaks to me lately. Maybe he's just comfortable now, I don't know." 

"So you were actually happy when you came across this dude, like you really thought that there could be something there?" 

"Well yeah, I guess so. I don't think I'd have let someone be brought into James' life if I didn't have any intention of being in a relationship with them long term. Why do you ask?" 

"Nah, no reason." He said as he looked away.

"Well obviously there's a reason otherwise you wouldn't have asked such a question." I stated.

"There was. But you'll probably just think I'm being stupid though" 

"Well I won't know until you tell me." I smiled, seeing him decide in his head whether to change the topic of the conversation or whether to just be honest for once, before letting out a huge sigh.

"I just feel like we're both doing that." He announced.

"Doing what?" I asked.

"Passing time, perhaps? I'm not sure." 

"You're losing me" I said. Not entirely lost, but I still wanted him to explain further. I wanted to hear what he was really thinking, not just the watered down version of the truth.

"I don't have any intention of having a long term relationship with Nicole." He answered.

"So she's just a fling, nothing wrong with that" 

"It's not just a fling. At least not to her. I guess I kinda forced myself into a relationship that I didn't want to be in in order to get over the non existent one that seemed to be taking over my brain in the first place." 

"Oh.."  I replied.

"I know you probably think that I'm a dick, but I also know that you're probably the only one that I can talk to about this because you're the only one that understands how this is."

"I do?" 

"Well where's Tyler at this moment in time?" I shrugged. "And who have you been with every night instead of him?"

"You.." I said, realizing I did understand him after all. We had both been boycotting our actual relationships in order to cling onto that of an old one.

"I could be wrong here, but I think there's a big chance that I'm not. You and I are in the same boat. I've seen the way he talks to you, I see the way your mood lifts when he just leaves even a room sometimes. You're passing time just as much as I am, for the exact same reason."

"You're not wrong" his eyes lifted in spirit instantly, before moving closer to me. "But that doesn't mean that what we're doing isn't. You have a girlfriend. And I have a boyfriend. Do you ever just take a moment to realize that our relationship only seems to heat up or work out whenever we're lying to someone we care about or are sneaking around?" 

"I don't care about her. I'm here for you. I just want you." 

"I just.. Think you should leave" 

"Why is it so hard for you to let your guard down with me?" 

"Because it hurts. Whether I'm with you or not. Sometimes I just wish that I had never laid eyes on you.. Everything would be so much easier right now" 

"We were good together. You were the one that decided that it was too hard all of a sudden" 

Is he serious? Multiple times he had told me that he understood my reason for not being with him, and yet every time we argued he seemed to throw it back in my face.

"And I'm telling you, it still is hard. I begin to get over you, and start new with my life, and you show up for what was meant to be just one tiny day, and screw up every ounce of progress that I had made. You do not get to do that to me, Brian. Not again" 

"You make it all out to be my fault, yet you put into it just as much as I do." 

"Just leave" I said, walking towards the door, hoping he'd catch a hint. "Not just my apartment, but LA. You have no reason to be here longer than what you had originally planned, so why stay?" 

As he walked out of the door, he stopped and turned around, exhaling before coming to a halt, as if he was going to say something and then changed his mind. Without another word, he had started to walk away.

I know I had come down on him too hard, and I knew that I shouldn't have gotten angry at him for just telling the truth. But I couldn't let him get his way every time that he was in L.A., for him to increase my feelings for him dramatically in such a short time frame, when I knew that he would go straight back to his 'distraction' when he got back to New York. I needed her out of the picture before I could even contemplate being completely honest with him about how I feel. I just wish I had the nerve to tell him that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \---- just a short fill in chapter! I have plans for the next few. I've just been SO SO busy lately, I didn't want anyone to think that I had lost interest or forgot to update! I've been jotting down ideas all week, big plans ahead ;-) thanks for reading and commenting xx


	16. 16

Waking up, I still felt an insane amount of guilt about how I had reacted to Q's honesty last night. The one thing that I had always wanted from him and always tried to get was his total honesty, there rarely was such a time where he would open up to anybody. I replayed the conversation ten times over in my head, and each time I could never convince myself that I was right. Maybe I was about us both being in relationships, but ignoring the truth that was Q and I's inner feelings was probably the worst option I could have gone for, because the thoughts were now eating me alive.

As I walked into James' room he was already sat up waiting for me to come and pick him up. I noticed his eyes especially this morning, the exact copy of his fathers. There was no way that I would ever begin to get over Brian when every part of James was a reminder of him and what we once had. I had to find Brian and tell him that he was right. Right about everything. Hell I didn't have any feeling of love or admiration for Tyler, just like he didn't for Nicole. As selfish as it was, as soon as Q was around, I couldn't think past him and myself. It felt like it was always just only the two of us in the moment.

I had decided to go to my parents house to drop James off whilst I went to Brian's hotel to talk to him. Walking up the hotel corridor - the same walk we had done a few nights prior - the nervousness started to erupt in the pit of my stomach. I had no plans on what I was going to say, I just needed to be as honest as he was last night and lay everything out and into the open.

Knocking on his door, the moments in between him opening the door felt like hours instead of mere seconds.

"Jess?" Brian questioned, seeming more than shocked at my presence. 

"Hey" I smiled warmly, trying to show that I had no animosity towards him and that this unannounced visit was that of a good natured one.

"W-what are you doing here?" 

"What do do you mean what am I doing here?" I laughed slightly. "I came to see you. Can I come in?" 

"I was just, I-" his nervous stammering was soon cut off by a girl wearing nothing but his T-shirt exit the bathroom behind him. 

"You were just busy, I get it" I said, before storming off. It was literally like this guy enjoyed playing with my feelings. I wasn't wrong in knowing that he would ignite my feelings, to either mess it up by thinking with his dick, or having to leave to go back to New York. I was stupid to think that even for a second that I could possibly salvage any of this.

"Jess, it's not what it looks like" Q yelled as he made a chase after me.

"How is that not exactly what it looks like?" I said as I turned around to face him, not believing that he actually had the cheek to try and tell me that this 'wasn't what I looks like'.

"Okay, it is what it looks like. But that doesn't make anything that I told you last night not true anymore." 

"You went and got a girl probably an hour after you told me that, Brian. So sorry if your stories don't all add up right now" 

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" 

"Me?"

"Yes, you. You literally fucking told me to leave, that there was nothing here for me, yet you show up to my hotel the next day and get pissed that another girl is there. Make up your damn mind Jess" 

"I came because I wanted to tell you to stay.. And that you were right." 

"I knew I was right. I knew that you knew that too. That's not new information here, especially when you're going to change your mind in about....ten minutes" he said, looking down at his watch. "You can't pick and choose forever, I've been waiting since day one for you to just say go." 

"And you know I need time, it doesn't make it any easier when I know you're fucking the whole of the united states in between that" 

"You need time? You've been needing time for the past 2 years!" 

"Brian..? Are you coming back?" Blondie called from his room.

"Maybe when your brain isn't in your pants it'll be a lot easier" I motioned my head towards the half naked girl standing in his door way, before turning around a leaving. He couldn't blame everything entirely on me. One of the big reasons why I wouldn't let myself easily be with him was because I didn't trust him. Whether the argument be a big one, or the tiniest one in all of existence, the moment he walked away I knew he would always be in bed with someone else, and that's not something I'd let him get away with easily.

                                                   -

Sitting on the couch, my phone vibrated on the coffee table before me. It was the second time that Brian had tried to call me in the last five minutes. Moments later, I received a text.

'Sorry' was all it read. Sorry, the five letters I heard more often than not from Brian Quinn.

'I'm coming over' he texted shortly after. Great.

Ten minutes later there was a knock at my apartment door, and I opened it to see Q standing there with a duffel bag in tow. Meaning that he was finally leaving L.A.

"Don't be pissed, just hear me out" he said as soon as I answered the door.

"Five minutes" I said, pulling the door open to let him in, taking in his scent as he walked past me. He always smelt so good.

"I can't leave with you being mad at me. I can't." 

"I'm always mad at you so it'll make no difference to my day." I said, face purposely not containing any emotion at all. Brian just stood there looking dumbfounded by my comment, wondering whether it was sarcasm or supposedly an offense.

"Right, okay." He said shaking his head as if to shrug the comment off. I raised my eyebrows, motioning for him to continue with whatever he had came here to tell me. He sat down on the couch, leaning his elbows onto his thighs, before rubbing his face with the palms of his hands. He was clearly frustrated by the whole situation, but he was really thinking through the next words that were going to leave his mouth. "I did sleep with someone. But she meant nothing. I don't even remember the girls name."

"That's your big apology?" 

"You know what? There's no reason for me to even apologize. Sorry for what, Jess? I didn't know that you were going to turn up and see that, just like I didn't know that this whole thing with you and me would happen again." The last part of that sentenced caused me to scoff laughter aloud. "What's so funny about that?" He asked.

"You really didn't think that this would happen? You purposely made me go out with you alone. You purposely made sexual comments and suggestions. You pulled all the moves on me that you probably did on that girl last night. And it was probably so stupid of me to actually go through with it" 

"You don't mean that." He said with confidence. "You were aware of what was happening. Everything here is 50-50. You have got to stop blaming me" 

I sighed, trying my best to contain the emotion building up inside me. He was once again right. I just didn't want to admit that whenever he was involved that I turned into a completely weak excuse of a woman. He was the only person that I have ever known that could have so much of a hold on me, and I could never find a way to rid myself of that. 

"It's just easier that way.." 

"Easier to blame me?" He asked, I nodded in response.

"Because that way it's like I let myself believe that it's not my fault. Like I'm not just hopelessly in love with you still. For that short moment I feel in control. I'm sorry.." 

"I was wrong. I do have something to apologize for. I should have known after how we ended things the last time that I was in L.A. that I shouldn't have put you back in the exact same position again. It's just so damn hard when I'm around you. It's like the word distance is non existent because all I want to do is be around you, and to kiss you, and to get into bed with you. I don't know how to not act on that" 

"I don't know either." I said, sitting down on the couch next to him. "When do you have to leave?" 

"Ten minutes at most" he answered, focusing his eyes on his watch.

The room fell silent, us both clearly wanting to give into our feelings and embrace the other, but still knowing there was a huge line in between us. One that we knew we shouldn't cross.

"I'm sorry for being such a bitch.." I said, scooting closer to him on the couch, resting my head on his shoulder. He ran his thumb over the hand I had wrapped around his bicep.

"You're always a bitch, so it makes no difference to my day" he nudged me slightly to let me know that he was mocking my words that I had said earlier on in the conversation.

"I know I am." 

Our embrace was soon disturbed when a cars horn sounded.

"That'll be my cab" Brian announced, unwantingly sliding up from my grasp and getting up, me following his moves as he walked to the door.

"Well.. Have a safe flight" I forced a small smile.

We both stood there for a few seconds as I awaited a response from him, before he dropped his bag suddenly, placing his hands on my cheeks and leaning in, placing his lips onto mine. I wrapped my hands around his arms to hold him close, not wanting the kiss to ever end, every ounce of built up passion evident in the embrace. 

"I love you." he just above whispered, his forehead against my own, and hands still placed on either cheek, before leaning in for another kiss. "So fucking much" I felt his breath on my lips as he spoke those few words, before he pulled me into a tight hug.

"I love you, too" I said, rubbing my hand up and down his back. "Now go.. before you miss your flight" I pulled away, rubbing my eye to try and hide the emotion present from how much I didn't want him to leave in this moment.

"I'll call you when I land" he said, picking up his bag and beginning to walk away before he came to a stand still. "Hey, Jess?" He called out, causing me to open the door that I had just started to shut. 

"Yeah?" I questioned.

"We'll sort this all out, you know." 

I nodded slowly in response with a small smile, not knowing how to take that comment when it had always been the opposite. 

"I'll see you later, Brian" I said, receiving a smirk accompanied with a nod, before walking away, this time for real.

As I shut the door, I heard his cab pull away, knowing he was making his way back to New York, and back to his new life and new girlfriend.. Hoping to god his words weren't just the ones that he thought I needed to hear in that moment.


	17. 17

'We have a show tomorrow in Pennsylvania. Do you want to take the trip out?' Q had texted me out of the blue, obviously having remembered when I had said James needed to see his grandparents more, Pennsylvania being where they now lived.

'It's a little short notice, I'll have to see if I can afford the tickets' I replied back.

'Let me reiterate. I'll see you tomorrow, I already purchased the tickets for you both' he texted back.

'And what if I had plans tomorrow?' 

'Wouldn't be my problem, now get packing.' 

I smiled at his arrogance, knowing that he was partially messing around yet being completely serious at the exact same time. Moments later I received an email with the confirmation of the flight tickets he had bought. 

"Who are you texting?" Tyler walked into the kitchen, interrupting me whilst looking for the time of the flights.

"I was texting Carol, James' grandma. She bought us some tickets to go and see her tomorrow" I replied, lying straight through my teeth, not wanting to deal with the argument that would have came from the truth in this lifetime.

"She got me one?" He asked, looking the most confused I had ever seen him.

"No, not you. James and I. Why would she buy you a ticket?" I laughed.

"I don't know, I was going to ask you" he shrugged. "So are you going to go?"

"Well I guess so, they're already paid for and they so desperately want to see their grandson" I smiled towards him, hoping he wouldn't get mad at me leaving him. "Is that okay?"

"I have a couple of days off work, I'll come with you" 

"Don't be silly, it's in the middle of nowhere, you'll have no fun at all. Besides, don't you think that it'd be a little weird?" 

"Only if Brian is there. Which he won't be, will he?" 

"Why would Brian be there?" I lied once more. Probably not the healthiest thing to be doing in a relationship, along with sleeping with the guy in question..

"Because his son and parents are going to be there, wouldn't he want to see them all? Probably you included.." He mumbled the last part in a very jealous and slightly angry tone.

"Brian isn't going to be there" I tried to sound as reasurring as I could, placing my hands on his face before pecking him quickly. I was almost shocked at how lying had come to me more naturally than I would have ever thought. 

"You should probably start packing then, it's late enough as it is" he said, stepping away from my grasp to let me walk out of the door.

As I placed the suitcase onto my bed, I unzipped it carefully before walking over to my closet, making sure to not pick out the usual combination of tank tops and sweats that I had grown to be extremely comfortable in since becoming a mom for the first time. 

Putting the outfits that I had planned into the case, I turned my attention the chest of drawers at the end of the bed to pick out socks and underwear. As I rifled through them all, it was like a different person had overpowered my thoughts, and I soon found myself searching for specific sexy numbers that I knew were hidden in there somewhere. I didn't even remember the last time that I had even worn articles of underwear that had even matched, so looking for the laciest and most flattering pieces of undergarments made me realize that this weekend would most likely go to places where I probably shouldn't even be going. Unless Brian was to suddenly turn me down, anyways..

"Hey Jess, where are the.. Wow" Tyler stopped in his tracks as he walked in on me holding up a sexy one piece.

"I forgot that this was in here" I chuckled, hoping that he thought I was just looking at it as opposed to me putting in my suitcase to potentially wear for my ex boyfriend that I had told him wouldn't even be there in the first place.

"You wanna try that on for me?" He said, as he sat on the end of the bed, like he awaited a show of the similar sort.

"You really think that I'm going to fit into this thing? I got it before I was pregnant!" I laughed sarcastically, although I knew that it would still most likely fit me. The last thing that I wanted was for another guy to be touching me, especially when he wasn't the one I had been fantasizing for the last few days.

"It's not like it would be on long" he said before getting up and walking closer towards me, kissing down my shoulder. "Please.." 

"Not tonight" I said, pulling away from his touch. "I have to be up early, and I need to finish packing, and then I have to make sure all of James' stuff is packed too.." 

"Right right I forgot about the Quinn's and how they all come before me" he said, the jealousy returning once more.

"Well yeah, one kind of does because he's my son.." I looked at him, letting him see the look on my face that let him know that I wasn't entirely pleased or sympathetic about his comment.

"They barely gave you any notice about this trip. They said come tomorrow, and you're instantly jumping at the chance. You're the one actually taking time out of your day to care for this kid, so shouldn't you be making the rules?" 

Here we go again with him insinuating that Brian was a bad father because he spent little time with James because of his work schedual.

"I'm not the only one caring for my son. Without Brian's child support, we wouldn't be living even half as comfortably as we are now" 

"You think just because he signs a check every now and then that it makes him a good father? That's the funniest thing that I have ever heard" 

"What's more funny is that you continue to bring this up every time we argue. You've gotta stop with this whole being jealous of Brian thing" 

"You think I'm jealous of someone like that?" Tyler erupted into laughter once more.

"Why else would you be so interested in what he does?" 

"Oh you were really being serious too.. amazing"  he said before stepping into my personal space, his face extremely close to mine as he tried to make himself seem intimidating. Something of which I had decided many years ago that I would never let a man make me feel. "I'm not jealous of Quinn, and I'm pretty sick of hearing you constantly stick up for him all the time. Do you still have feelings for him?" 

"No" I said, looking him dead in the eyes. He stood there just looking at me for a while after that, before stepping down from his stance and sitting back on the bed.

"Are you going into James' room now so I can get some sleep?" He said, like this room or apartment didn't in fact belong to me. I bit my tongue extremely hard and left the room, he was always so exhausting to argue with so I wasn't going to touch that comment with a ten foot pole. It was always easier to just walk away.

After packing James' things and putting him to bed, I made my way to the couch, flicking on the TV at a quiet level. The last thing I wanted to do was cuddle up in bed with someone that had just made my blood boil. It was at that moment when I just wanted Brian the most. Picking up my phone that was resting on the coffee table, I decided to shoot him a quick text.

'Are you awake?' I had sent.

'Just about. You good?' He replied almost instantly.

'I'm bored and I miss you' 

'Call me?' He suggested.

'Can't.. Tyler is here' 

'Damn.' He replied, his one worded text making me feel like I had pissed him off. Until another one came through moments later. 'I really want to hear your voice right now' 

'And I just really need a hug. Tonight has been so stressful and you always seem to be the only one to make me feel better' 

'I'm sorry that I'm the epitome of greatness in your mind. That must be hard for you' his humorous arrogance returning once more.

'You're a jerk, but it's actually kind of true' 

'Usually I'm the one to cave, it feels good for you to be doing it first. Not gonna lie.' 

'I don't even care anymore. I just want you' 

'I want you here right now, too' he said back.

'Why? What would you do to me?' 

'Who said those were my intentions?' 

'What if I wanted them to be your intentions?' I asked back.

'Can you not make me hard at 3am when you're not going to be here until the afternoon?' 

'Show me' I sent back, not knowing where I had adapted this smoothness about myself. Minutes later he sent through a picture of his hard member. 'I definitely miss that' I said in response, wishing nothing more than for him to take me right here, right now.

'Bit unfair, though..' his reply came in quick. I giggled to myself quietly, before getting up and heading into the bathroom. Stripping my clothes off, including my bra, leaving me in just my panties. Setting the camera up, I stood in front of the body lengthed mirror and took a quick selfie, making sure to take a few snaps to get the most perfect picture to send back to him. When I finally agreed on the one that would be the most affective, I had sent it to him before I changed my mind. Usually I would have never been this confident after having James, but there was always this extreme feeling of comfortableness when Brian was involved. 'That definitely did not help my situation.' He replied. I smirked, feeling very good about myself.

'I wish I could give your....situation.. a helping hand.' I sent back.

'Fuck, me too' his response making me feel more turned on than anything, which probably wasn't the best thing when Tyler was there, and I couldn't do anything to relieve of it. I had to remove myself from the heated scenario that was going on before I drove myself crazy.

'Well, I don't want to leave you high and dry.. but I should get some sleep if I'm going to make the flight tomorrow..' 

'Good. Go get some rest. You won't get much tomorrow' 

'And don't touch yourself. Only I'm allowed to relieve what I have started.'

'I'll try my best. Especially with that picture' he replied. 'Goodnight, Jess.' 

'Goodnight Brian' I sent back.


	18. 18

In the cab en route to Brian's parents house, I rested my head against the window trying my best to keep myself awake after such a sleepless night and early start. I had landed in Pennsylvania around an hour ago, and it didn't seem like I would ever get to my final destination. I wasn't sure on what to expect when I even got to their house. Would Brian be there or we he be at work? How would I greet him if his parents were there? Do they still think that he's with Nicole? Is he even with Nicole still? That was a question that I did not know the answer to at this point, yet I would still feel pretty hypocritical for asking.   
Pulling up to a house, I just about remembered the look of it. I had been there once before when Brian and I were dating, just before James came along, but I hadn't been back since. Something I regretted now when James would look at his grandma and not even recognize who she is.

As I stepped out of the car, unclipping James' car seat, I heard the sound of a door opening and shutting behind me, footsteps edging closer.

"Here, let me take this" the voice came from behind me, before I caught a flash of a Staten Island tattoo on the lower part of one of the arms that reached out next to me, picking James up from his seat.

"You're the man here, you should have taken the whole thing" I laughed, before pulling out the now empty seat before turning around, taking in the view of Brian stood before me holding James, smiling like a Cheshire cat. He then reached for the seat with his free hand, whilst perching James on his side with the other. "Just don't drop either of them!" I stated, knowing the weight of both of the objects. Preferably the child that devoured everything before him.

"The car seat is new so I won't" he responded to my warning, his ease at making jokes already in full force.

"I'm sure James will appreciate that" I chuckled, before over taking him so I could hold the door open.

Walking into the kitchen, I was met with the anticipated eyes of Carol and James, eagerly awaiting their grandson. As Brian walked in, placing the car seat near the door, Carol shot over to them both, taking James from Brian's grasp.

"Hey gorgeous boy!" Carol beamed, kissing his cheek repeatedly as she walked back over to her husband, reintroducing the pair once more.

"How come I didn't get a greeting like that?" Brian leant and mumbled into my ear quietly when no one was looking. 

"Maybe I have something better in mind" I whispered back, smiling up into his warm dark eyes.

"It's nice to see you two getting along" Carol smiled at us both, clearly catching the last looks exchanged between the both of us. James frantically flapping his arms in Brian's direction, wanting his attention, before Carol handed the small child over. "I have to get going to the store to get the rest of the stuff for dinner, Jess you know where the spare room is so make yourself at home. Brian, help her with her bags would you." Carol said, making me remember why I loved her all over again when she bossed Brian around like he was a child. Especially when it worked in my favor.

As she fetched her keys out of a kitchen drawer, I saw Brian's dad putting his coat on and head to the door also. Meaning Brian and I were finally going to be alone. Probably not the best option when his parents would be returning shortly after. The last thing that I would ever get over was his parents catching us in the act, just like my own mother had done when we first started hooking up.

 

"There's nothing you need out of this now before I take it upstairs, right?" Brian appeared in the doorway with a smaller bag which contained James's things, after he had just finished taking my suitcase upstairs.

"Nope" I said, as I walked into the living room to check on James, who was quietly sat watching TV, making a mess out of a banana. Brian clearly bribing him to stay put with the things he loved most, TV and food. 

As I stood leaning against the doorframe watching him, I felt a hand run up my arm, before a chin rested on my shoulder from behind.

"So where's my hug?" His voice deep yet quiet at the same time against my neck. I turned around, throwing my arms around his neck as his wrapped around my waist. "That's better" he said seconds into the embrace. 

Parting from our hug, yet hands still in place, it was like a nervousness had taken over the both of us. Laughing and smiling instead of using words, like being a couple doing these things for the first time.

I didn't know what to say, in fact it felt like I didn't need to say anything. It wasn't a silence of an uncomfortable sort, more of a relishing that the other is just there in front of you and acting giddy like young teenagers in love. 

The urge of confidence hitting me once more as I pulled Brian down, giving him a quick kiss. Before his kicked in himself, reattaching his lips almost instantly after I had pulled away. Except his kiss was a lot more deep and intense than the one I had just given, his tongue running along my bottom lip, before snaking into my mouth, the kiss becoming heated very quickly. One of his hands moved to the side of my face, as the other slid from my waist to my behind, him groaning into my mouth as his grip tightened on my butt, clearly satisfied by the feeling rather than just the thought.

I pulled away from the kiss, having to remind myself that we were in fact in his parents house.

"We shouldn't be doing this in here" I said, but the hunger for more was still evident in my voice, and Brian knew that. Ignoring my words, pulling me back into the heated make out session once more. I knew when Brian was completely and utterly turned on, it was like this animalistic personality would possess his body, like he would get shielded from anything but the goal of relieving himself and the other party in the scenario. Almost like it wasn't him at all, but I knew that when that look was present in his eyes - I would be in trouble - and I definitely liked this kind of trouble.

Pushing me against the wall, he planted wet kisses down my neck, using his tongue and teeth to gnaw at my sensitive spots, adding onto the intensity when he gained a moan from me doing so. He began grounding his hips into mine, letting me feel the extent of his arousal even more as he kept me pushed against the wall by his hips, as he continued his assault with his lips.

I physically ached from wanting him so much at this point. I wanted nothing more than to return the favor, and to take a little dominance in the moment, but I knew his parents would be returning soon so I couldn't let myself be caught in that position.  
I could hear the sound of Brian's breathing, the sound I had heard many times before. There was no way that he would be lasting very long in this state, so I could at least let myself have a little fun...right? 

Grabbing his shirt at the shoulders, I pushed him back, turning him so he was no longer against the wall. Something that was much more easier than I had imagined when Brian was letting me know that he was the one in control. Crouching down before him, I ran my hand over his hardness, before unclasping his belt and sliding his fly down, making sure he saw me licking my lips in anticipation.

Pulling both items of fabric down slightly, his erection stood to attention, more than ready for the touch he had craved just as much as I did. I began pumping a few times with my hand, before my mouth met the tip of his dick, swirling my tongue over the top before taking the rest of his length into my mouth as far as I could take him. 

"Ah, shit" Brian groaned, his eyes clenched shut, furrowing his eyebrows. I began moving my head, using my hand to pump the rest of what I couldn't fit into my mouth, before using my free hand to fondle his balls - one of spots I knew drove him crazy. "Keep doing that, right there" his voice speeding up, with hints of breathlessness intact. I began moaning, knowing the vibration and sound would add to the intensity both psychically and mentally.

"Do you like that?" I purred as sexily as I could, his length in one hand, as I continued my assault underneath with my other hand. He couldn't form a coherent sentence, just strews of muffled moans when he tried to form even just a word.

I knew that it wasn't time to mess around anymore, I had to up my game and have him turn to putty in my hand before it was too late. I used my hand to jack him off with an intense speed, not taking my eyes off him for one second, reeling in the faces and profanity that escaped during this time. His hand reached for my head, tightening his grip on my hair and I knew that the end was almost in play.

"Don't stop.. I'm gonna cum.." He said, groaning throughout the last word of the sentence as his orgasm overtook his body, I quickly covered his length with my mouth, not wanting to leave any evidence behind of this happening in this household. "Fuck" he moaned, as I slowly continued my mouth movements until I knew his orgasm was over, not letting a moment of his pleasure go to waste. He panted before me as he continued leaning against the wall, I used his body to help stand myself up, taking in the way he looked, a finished result of what I had started last night, and boy did I feel happy when I saw him left a withering mess, not capable of forming a sentence because he had been pleasured so good. A job very well done.

I was snapped out of my self congratulating when I heard the sound of car doors shutting outside, Brian clearly not aware of this same piece of information as his pants were still at his knees.

"Quick do your pants up!" I yelled, as I heard the door handle about to go. Brian darted quicker than anything into the living room, zipping up his pants. Followed by the noise of his belt clasp clanking gently, I tried my best to act as a distraction, forcing myself to help carry in the shopping even though there was only two bags. Moments later Brian entered the room.

"Brian? Are you okay?" His moms voice full of concern as she walked over to her son, holding a palm to his forehead as if to check his temperature, before placing it on his cheek also. "You look very flustered" she replied. Brian's face full of confusion soon turning to one of embarrassed realization. I looked over his moms shoulder, catching his glance, making sure to pull a face letting him know that I found this whole situation completely humorous yet with a hint of awkward also.

"I'm fine, I was just running stuff up to the spare room" Brian said, a small laugh escaping in the sentence.

"Well be careful, you have two shows tonight, you don't want to be wasting energy!" 

"I have three" Brian said, looking directly at me whilst his mothers back was turned, knowing she wouldn't get the insinuation.

"So help with the preparing of the meal! We're on a tight schedual" Carol explained, her italian mother hen personality shining through.

As we helped unpack the bags, Brian leant back over and into my ear. 

"As long as the tight schedual is on top of me at some point then we're all good" he whispered, the heat of his breath on my ear causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand up. This guy was going to be the death of me..


	19. 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys quick note - I've noticed a drought in the Brian Quinn fanfic's so I decided to write another at the same time. It's called IMPRACTICAL and it's a very different storyline to this one. so if you would like to check that out it's on my page! Thanks for all of the comments and likes on this story! They make writing very enjoyable x

After we had finished dinner and helped clean up, Brian his parents, myself and James all took a cab out to head to the venue of The Tenderloins' show. As we drove past the front of the venue, I took a peak out of the window at the sea of fans all lined up to catch a piece of joker action. Their success had definitely grown immensely over the two years that I had been more involved in his life.

Parking round the back of the building, we made our way through the stage door, heading backstage to the green room to chill out and maybe have some food and little cheeky drink before the show.

"Oh there's the legend!" Joe smiled enormously when he saw me carrying James into the room, holding his arms out so that I could pass him to him. "Wow, he's getting so big now, huh?" He looked towards me.

"No kidding. He's growing way too fast for my liking" 

"I'm the same way, I was just saying the same thing to Bessy this week" he sighed. The thought of your baby no longer being a baby was tough work. I was glad I had someone other than Brian that could understand. However I wasn't too sure if Brian even felt that way, he probably couldn't wait for James to grow up. That way he'd have someone to play video games with or someone to discuss comics with. "How have you been, though? You been good? Haven't seen you around New York in a while" 

"I've been good. I've thought about taking James over here a few times to see everyone but I don't know how awkward it'd be with us both being in relationships and all.." I half lied. Sure, it'd be awkward being around his girlfriend, but I had only really just found out about his girlfriend. But I couldn't go around telling everyone that the reason I hadn't been around was because I was in fact madly in love with Brian.

"Eh.." Joe's voice lowered down, looking around to see what everyone else was doing before giving me a specific look. 

"What, what's that look for?" I asked, seriously wanting to know what his reaction to Brian's girlfriend was all about. He pulled me a little further away from the group, before leaning into my ear further.

"All I'm saying is she's always wanted trust." He said, before looking around the room quickly one more time. "As in trust fund" he finished, before giving me the same look. 

I definitely knew I had to take Joe's word on this, because there rarely was a time that he would act serious. Especially about something like this, he would never make an assumption as big as this unless he had complete and utter proof. 

"What are you guys chatting about?" Brian appeared behind us both Joe and I looking at each other knowing that we weren't going to answer that with complete honesty. At least not now, anyways.

"We were just talking about James and Milana" I smiled. Obviously a believable story.

"I was telling her she needs to come out to New York more often. Especially now you and her are on good terms again" Joe said, wrapping his arm around me. It made me feel good to know that Brian's new girlfriend seemed to not be a patch on me with his friends, or at least one. But if Joe had picked up on this, then I'm almost certain that other people were aware of her antics also.

Brian pulled an uncomfortable grin after the suggestion that Joe had made, most likely thinking that he shouldn't be spurring things on about me coming to New York because that was where his girlfriend was at. But I think deep down he knew that I wouldn't go out to New York even if he had invited me for the exact same reason.

"You guys ready to go up?" One of the tour managers poked his head through the door, before everyone rallied to either get ready to go on stage, or to go and sit in the audience.

As we made our way down the aisle to our seats on the third row, James sitting on my side as I carried him, I heard a few girls cooing over James, hearing them talk about him whilst they noticed his presence in the crowd. A few even coming up to us after we had sat down to come and meet him. Almost like he was the main attraction himself. He definitely enjoyed the female attention, even at a steady one year old. 

As the guys were on stage, James sat perched on my lap enthralled by the lights and his father prancing about like a maniac. I was worried for a while that he might have been scared of the noise from the crowd, or just didn't like there atmosphere at all, so to see him enjoy his father on stage - even if he had no idea what was going on at all - was actually very sweet in my eyes.

After the show had finished, Brian's parents had parted ways, taking James with them as the guys had suggested to go out for a drink considering we hadn't seen each other in a while.

"I'm glad you guys are cool again, it's been too long since we have done this" Murr said enthusiastically as we all sat around a table after our drinks had arrived. 

"Agreed" I said before taking a gulp from my vodka and coke. Brian resting his hand on my thigh underneath the table, giving it a small rub.

Everyone had been more than inviting to me being there that - all but Sal - that is. When I noticed he went to the juke box, I decided to catch him whilst he was alone.

"Soo.. What's wrong, bud?" Sal turned around looking less than pleased, raising one eyebrow slightly.

"Let's not do this again" he said, turning his focus back onto picking a song.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I know this is all happening again. I see it. The way you're looking at one another, the way you always have to be sat next to each other, I see it. And I'm annoyed by it. I love you both dearly, but I'm tired of being the only one that realizes that because then it brings me in on lying to someone. Again." He turned towards me once more.

"You like this Nicole girl?" 

"It's besides the purpose. You're all still lying to everyone once more. You both have a child together, you're both in what I would call serious relationships. It's like you only get amusement if you're hurting someone else in the process. You both need to grow up. James is getting more and more aware every day, so don't inflict all of this mess onto him. You either want each other or you don't. It's that simple." 

I sighed because his words made sense, but it really didn't seem that easy. He was the 'famous' person in this scenario. He didn't know how it felt to want to be in a relationship with someone that was never there. Witrh James, I couldn't fly out at every opportunity to see him like I used to when we first started dating.

Making my way back to the table, everyone was sat engaged in conversation, besides the empty chairs where Sal and Q had been. Before I got to the table, I scanned the bar quick to see where Brian was, and noticed him out by the entrance. Stepping out of the door quietly, I realized that he was on his phone. 

"Yeah babe, I'll see you tomorrow" he chuckled. "Alright, I love you too" he said before hanging up and turning around, smiling down at his phone before looking up, noticing me standing before him..


	20. 20

"Fair play that we're both in relationships, but really, tonight of all nights?" I crossed my arms before him, angered by the fact that as soon as I had left the table, he had sneaked off to call his girlfriend.

"She called me. What was I supposed to do?" He pulled me away from the entrance to the side of the building, out of sight and ear shot from anyone else.

"I don't know, ignore it, perhaps? It's what I'm doing."

"It's different."

"What do you mean 'it's different'?" I asked.

"Because she's a woman. It'll draw more attention to this situation if I were to ignore her. She'll start digging to see where I am or what I'm up to." 

"You're just being dramatic" I rolled my eyes.

"You used to do it to me all the time!" He raised his voice slightly.

"Because you were fucking someone else every time we had a tiny fight! That was the only way to find out!" I yelled back, not letting him have the upper hand in this argument. When the guy you're seeing does that type of thing, it's bound to make you insecure, so he shouldn't have blamed me for checking up on him every now and then. "How do I even know if this is different? That I'm not just one of those silly little girls that you lead on whilst you're in a relationship with someone else?" 

"Ha!" Brian yelled, I couldn't tell if it was in an aggressive tone or more of a sarcastic one. Although it appeared to be a mixture of both. "Do you really think that I'd keep coming back to this for fun?" He said, putting emphasis on the word fun. "You drive me fucking insane! What fun do I get out of that?" 

"Wow, thanks for that, Brian" I said, trying to make my way past him. He had had a few drinks, and a much nastier side of him seemed to be coming out.

He walked behind me, grabbing my arm to stop me from walking around the front of the bar.

"You either want me or you don't. How am I the bad guy when you're playing me around wanting something different one day and then something else the next? So tell me, how am I the bad guy when all I'm doing is waiting around for you?" 

"Because you don't make it easy for me when you do stuff like this!" I said, pulling my arm from his grip. "How am I supposed to know if you won't be doing this with someone else when you're away from me?" 

"And how am I with you? You've done a lot of lying too, from day fucking one. Even to the closest people in your life just to see me. We're both as bad as each other when it comes to this, Jess. But I know if you just give me a chance I can prove your doubts wrong." His voice now a lot calmer and more sincere. "I never messed up once when we were actually together. Just remember that" he said, before walking away and back into the bar. I decided to wait a few minutes before heading back myself to draw less suspicion.

When I had got back to the table, I noticed that Brian and Sal had swapped seats. Whether that was done on purpose or not, I didn't know. All I knew is that I had had enough of tonight and wanted to leave. I was soon struck out of my bubble when I heard the mention of Nicole being used at the table, however.

"Yeah, she bailed on coming out here yesterday morning because of that party" Murray said to Joe, as they noticed a picture online of Nicole at one of their friends party. 

My eyes instantly met with Brian's, and he in that moment knew that he had messed up. It was the same day - yet in the afternoon - that he had asked me to come. Perhaps when his own girlfriend decided she didn't want to come instead? I couldn't stand to be in his presence anymore, it was time to go. 

"I'm gonna call it a night" I announced to the table, before getting up, throwing a yawn into the mix to make it more believeable.

"I'll call you a ca.." 

"Nope, I'm good, thanks" I smiled, interrupting Brian's attempt at getting us alone once more. I needed to calm down, before I said something that I didn't want to say in front of the entire table.

As I stood outside awaiting my cab, I pulled my phone out of my purse, looking down at the texts I had received from Tyler. How could I have done this again? Especially over a guy like Brian? 

Getting back to Brian's parents house, I curled up into the soft, freshly made bed, hoping to soon rid myself of this anger so I could easily drift off to sleep. That was until I heard a car pull up outside, and someone unlocking the door to the house. At that point in time, I knew exactly who it was, and prepared myself to not get completely irate by the thought of him coming to try and  defend himself.

As he entered the room, I didn't get up, instead I continued laying in the same spot under the covers. I heard him remove his shoes, before I felt the bed dip next to me. He laid on top of the covers, still in his jacket, facing my back. I heard him sigh, before a hand snaked around my waist lightly.

"Jess?" He whispered.

"What?" I replied, at the same volume.

"I'm sorry." He said, before the silence continued. "Turn around?" he pulled gently at my hip, trying his best to get more out of me than complete silence.

As I turned to face him, I sighed myself, taking in as much of his face as I could see in the darkness of the room.

"I can't keep doing this Brian.." I said, upset beginning to take over me.

"I know" he replied, running his hand along my side. "I'm sorry for doing this to you again. You deserve better, you really do." The sincerity clear in his words. "Tomorrow when you leave.. I'll leave you be. I don't want to be that person that does this to you. Not again." 

I didn't reply. I didn't feel like I needed to. Ever since we had been involved again, everything in my life had been turned upside down once more. I was back to lying, cheating and turning my emotions into a complete mess. It was best for Brian and I to just end it now before it got even deeper.


	21. 21

Q's P.O.V...

It had only been two days since I had been back in New York, two days since Jess got up and left Pennsylvania without even telling me she had left, or without letting me say goodbye to James. The sad part was, I wasn't mad. I actually understood it. I just wish that it would take away the huge part that completely sucked. Many times in the last 48 hours I had wanted nothing more than to pick up my phone, to text her or just to hear her voice for a split second.

"Second day with a face of thunder, huh?" Joe announced as I entered the building that we were working in today. I would trust Joe with my life, but if I were to tell him what was going on at the time, and why I felt this way now, he'd most likely make me feel like shit about what I had done in a sense of reminding me that other people were involved. Which I knew, but if I had it my way it wouldn't be that complicated. It would actually be pretty simple.

Sal had picked up on Joe's comment, turning around and giving me a look, before coming up to me and walking me aside, away from everyone else in the room.

"My guess is that you and Jess broke it off?" Confusion with a hint of shock appearing on my face. I didn't know that he had known about this.

"Did she tell you?" 

"She didn't have to. Once again I just knew. You're not the most subtle people in the world." He sighed.

"We only slept together twice. It wasn't in terms a full blown affair or anything.. No, three times? But one was months ago?" I began speaking to myself trying to calculate my own memories in my head, not realizing that I was actually saying them out loud.

"What do you mean months ago? Really?" 

"That was a drunken thing. We barely spoke after that. That's why we didn't speak for those months in between the Pennsylvania show" 

"But what made you think to start that up again? Or did it start up again when she was in Pennsylvania?" I opened my mouth to say something, but then forced myself to stop knowing that the truth would send Sal ballistic. "Okay don't do that because I know whatever you're going to say next is bullshit. Tell me." 

"I might have flown out to L.A. last week.." I said, awaiting the disappointed speech to come.

"I thought we decided that you weren't going to go back to L.A. on your own after you guys broke up the first time?" 

"That was a dumb rule" I laughed.

"It was a rule that would have stopped this fucking mess from happening!" Sal's eyes widened. I guess it was true, but I also knew that Jess and I weren't a preventable thing. If it was going to happen, it was going to happen. Whatever type of tension, want or love that was there, it was way too thick to ignore.

As I was about to try and defend myself, I felt my phone vibrate in my jeans pocket. Pulling it out, I had gotten a text from Jess. The last name I thought I'd see on my phone.

'Come to L.A. I miss you'' it read. I tried my best to play it off knowing that Sal was still standing before me watching me.

"It doesnt matter anymore, man. It's done." 

"Until the next time?" He asked.

"Not gonna be one" I said, smirking towards him before walking back and joining the others. I couldn't respond right now, but I wanted to respond the second that I had got it. I just wished that she wouldn't change her mind about what she had said before I even had the chance to reply. That was something that she liked to do more than anything during her entire involvement with me.

That night when I had finished work, I had received two more texts from Jess. As I sat in my car in the parking lot, I didn't want to wait any longer to reply or read what she had said.

'It was great seeing you in Pennsylvania. I had a lot of fun' one had said. Followed by the next one.

'I wish your hands were all over me again' 

I definitely got no inkling that she had changed her mind from when she had sent the first text. And if there was a split moment where she had actually changed her mind, I was going to take it. I quickly searched for a flight to L.A., noticing that there was a red eye leaving in three hours. Meaning one thing, I had to get home and pack right now.

                                                  -

After landing in Los Angeles, it was around 1am. There was a chance that Jess would still be awake, so I had sent her a message to double check. Minutes late I got a response.

'I'm awake. Come over.' 

Waiting outside for the cab to come and pick me up, I took a moment to think about what I was actually doing. It was in that same moment that I realized myself that I probably had to stop acting so crazy over a chick. She had barely texted me a few hours ago, and I was already on the opposite side of the country trying to track her down at 1am. And there was no confirmation that this would end greatly with our past record. Within the hour she would probably send me packing once more.

The cab ride seemed to be the longest car journey I had taken in my entire life, but the anxiousness seemed to settle down when I began to see Jess's apartment building appear on the street we had been driving on.

When I had walked up to the main entrance, the door had already buzzed, allowing me to get straight in. She must have seen or heard me pull up, and didn't want the bell to wake James up. Knocking on the door, I wiped down the front of my jacket, before I heard the sound of the door open. Looking up, I came face to face with someone that I didn't realize that I would be seeing.

"So glad you could join me." Tyler said, holding up Jess's phone.

"That was you?" I asked back, seriously fucking confused. More importantly, if he had had Jess's phone all day.. then where was Jess?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only have a few more chapters left with this, but I will be continuing my new story :)


	22. 22

Q's P.O.V...

"Come in" Tyler said eerily, like something you would hear in a horror movie.

I didn't know what the guy wanted, or what he even knew for that matter, but I had to go in, I had to make sure that Jess was okay.

"Where's Jess and J?" I asked, hoping that they were maybe in the bedroom, yet that gave me no logical explanation as to why Tyler had had her phone all day.

"I wanna talk to you about something, man to man." I noticed that he had completely dodged my question, but I wanted to see where this was going.

"Sure" I replied, sitting at the island in the kitchen, Tyler on the opposite side, the counter keeping a small distance between us both.

"You have a girlfriend, correct?" 

"I might do. What's that to you?" I questioned back, trying to keep my cool so that I could get to the bottom of whatever this conversation might be.

"Nicole Green, is her name I believe?" He asked, looking down at a phone that wasn't Jess's, so my next guess is that it was his. He turned the phone around, showing Nicole's instagram account, which contained pictures of us both together on.

"Why'd you bring me here?" 

"Because, I want to see your face when I completely destroy your life like you have done mine." He said, now looking me in the eyes.

"I didn't destroy anything." 

"I saw the pictures of you going to the hotel together and I saw the texts. Dick pics at your age, really man?" 

"It was just a few texts and nothing more. We stopped talking." 

"She was at your show in Pennsylvania two days ago. No?" He said, showing me the phone once more of a picture that a fan had uploaded of her and James in the audience. 

"So? Just because she was at the show doesn't mean that she was on my dick the same night" I replied, which was actually the truth. Well.. Minus the blowjob.. But still, it applied.

"She still lied to me." 

"Where are they?" I asked once again, with no response. Impatient by his lack of response, I got off of the stool and headed straight for her bedroom. When I realized that it was empty and the bed was untouched, I started to feel much more uneasy than before. I checked James' room on the way back down the hallway, seeing that his crib was completely untouched also. What the fuck was going on and where were they?

"You're not going to find them here" Tyler approached me from behind as I was looking around his room to see if anything had been taken.

"Where are they?" I questioned for the third time, now facing him, hoping to read anything from his facial expressions or body language. He shrugged lazily, like he didn't seem to be bothered to answer.

"Vacation?" He said slowly, as if he wasn't even sure of his response himself.

"Why would she just get up and go on vacation and leave her phone behind?" It just didn't make any sense to me. Tyler shrugged once more, before he put his phone to his ear. "Dude, tell me where they are." I was silenced by Tyler holding his finger up to me, literally having the nerve to try to quiet me down so he could make a phone call.

"Hold up, I'm just calling your girlfriend real quick, she's missing out on everything." 

"You're bluffing" I shook my head, where would he even get her number from?

"Well after she saw the pictures and the screenshots of the texts I had sent her, she wanted to be in the loop of what's going on." ..So maybe he wasn't bluffing.

"This is ridiculous, why am I even he.."

"Oh Nicole! So great to finally speak to you. I'm here with your boyfriend. He sends his love." He said, smiling towards me, before putting his phone on loud speaker. Something about this guy seemed to be extremely unhinged.

"Q?" Nicole asked for me. I didn't know what to do. My priority wasn't to explain myself to a girl I didn't even want to be with, my priority was making sure my child and his mother was safe.

"Aren't you going to talk to your girlfriend, Quinn?" Tyler chimed in, handing me his phone. Taking it from his grasp, I immediately threw his phone against the wall, it shattering into separate pieces before I lunged myself towards him, pinning him against the wall by the collar of his shirt.

"Where the fuck are they?" 

Tyler erupted into laughter, clapping his hands in applause.

"Wow, this really bothers you doesn't it? You know, you have a much shorter wire than I imagined." 

I let go off him, noticing the rise that he had gotten out of me was exactly what he had wanted the whole time. I wasn't going to give into what he wanted. 

"Just tell me that my kid is okay" I sighed, rubbing my face, hoping if I made this sound to just be about James there would be an answer for him. And if he was okay, I'd have a better feeling that Jess would be too.

"What do you think I am exactly, a murderer?" He laughed as he sat down.

Murderer wasn't exactly what I had in mind. Although, the deranged, unhinged shell of a man that was portrayed in front of me could make one feel that way.

"I just wanna know where they are." I sighed once more, bored of the fact that he wanted nothing but a rise from me. Something that I wasn't going to give. Probably the one thing that he wanted to use against me in favor of keeping Jess around. Which was completely bewildering considering how poorly he always seemed to treat her.

"They or he?" He asked back. He was beginning to really push my buttons again. I had to leave, yet I still had no answers and not even a lead to go by. Getting out of the apartment before he could throw someone else on me, I decided that there could be other ways to find out where she was. 

I headed over to her best friend, Kara's house. If anyone was to know anything and everything about Jess's life, it would be her.

Pulling up to her apartment and heading up to the door, I realized that it was 2am, so I had to be a complete nuisance to wake her up, hoping she wouldn't think I was some crazy stalker ex boyfriend and would actually give me some answers if she were to know them.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Kara peeked through the gap in her door, wrapped in a robe. I had clearly woken her up and she looked less than happy about it.

"Do you know where Jess and James are?" I asked, just above a whisper.

"You wake me up for that? Just call her?" She replied.

"Tyler has her phone, he's at her apartment alone and she's not there."

"Well that's a bit weird. Come in for a sec" she said, standing back. Walking in behind her, just about remembering where everything was so that I didn't walk into anything in the dark, she lead me into the living room where she finally switched a lamp on. She walked back into her bedroom, before returning with her phone, scrolling through it. "She didn't tell me that she was going anywhere." 

"Text her number. See if he replies as him or as her." 

She gave me an eery looked, like she was just as weirded out by this as me. That or she didn't believe me at all.

"Okay, I texted her. But isn't it going to be a bit obvious if you've just seen him and then I start texting her at this time?" 

She was right, there was no way that he wouldn't pick up on that. The whole situation was just too annoying to not try everything, though.

"If you hadn't have been home, I was going to try her parents. Do you think they'll know where they are?" 

"They could do, but they'll probably kill you for waking them up. I should know, I had just felt that way." She gave me an evil glare. "You could try texting one of her brothers, or I should. It'll probably be less weird." I watched as she typed and scrolled through her phone, minutes seeming like hours. All until she received a text back.

"Who is it?" I asked her as she continued to look down on her screen.

"She's on vacation?" Kara read, yet I still didn't know who the text was from.

"Where?" 

"I just replied asking that." She locked her phone and looked back up at me, before her phone sounded once more. "Okay, she took James and her little brother to San Diego, and she didn't take her phone because she.." 

"What?" I asked at her sudden freeze.

"She wanted to.. You know, avoid.. you." I chuckled slightly at the answer, not that it wasn't a bad answer. But I was more relieved that that was the case instead of Tyler acting twisted.  
"So what now?"

"I guess I leave?" I replied, not really thinking past this point. Coming here, I thought I'd be with Jess right now, but instead it was one big mind game like something out of saw.

"You could stay here the night?" Kara suggested. Which made more sense than trying to book a hotel at this hour of the night.

"Sounds great" I smiled, before she ushered me to follow her down the hall. "Spare room.. Well you know where everything else is." She said. "If you need anything, don't bother waking me up again you already did that once. I'll kick you out for twice" she entered her room and shut the door.

As soon as I got into my own room, undressed and climbed into bed, I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillows.

Until I was awoken by the sound of my phone receiving a text, and the piercing sunlight shining through the open curtains, ones of which that I didn't shut last night. Grabbing my phone out of my jeans pocket on the floor, it was a text from Jess. Or Jess's phone shall I say.

'I change my mind' it said.

'Yeah nice try' I replied, not in the mood for mind games from Tyler this early.

'What?' A second text came through.

'Call me?' I typed back, needing to hear a voice to know the truth to who was even texting me at this point.

Moments later my phone sounded and I brought it up to my ear. Finally hearing the voice that I wanted telling me the words I wanted to her.

"I change my mind. I know you're in L.A. or at least I think you're still here.. But I change my mind, Brian. I want to be with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys as this story is coming to an end I've had an idea, with the help of a reader for future BQ stories. You as a reader can message me, here, on wattpad or kik @ kaylenpastarr and I can incorporate you as a reader, into a story! Your name, how you would want the story based and any little scenarios that you would want to happen could help make a story. I thought it would be a fun idea!


	23. 23

I heard Brian sigh down the phone, yet to say any words. All hope in me had felt lost at this point, like I had left it way too late. That was until his voice appeared once more.

"If you're serious, then let's do it." He said.

"Are you still in L.A.?" I asked.

"I was just packing my stuff to leave. Why?" 

"I want to come with you." I blurted out.

"What?" He asked, sounding surprised. It's the one thing he had been asking me for almost two years, I doubt he ever thought that he'd hear those few words come out of my mouth.

"To New York. There's nothing for me here. Not if you're not here." 

"And you're sure about this?" 

"I've never been more sure about anything." I smiled, hearing the heightened mood in the tone of his voice.

"Are you back at home now?" He questioned.

"Yeah, I'm home." 

"And no Tyler?" 

"He just left, I broke up with him." I laughed, maybe out of being relieved knowing that there was now nothing holding us apart. Until my mind fixated on the fact that Brian was still dating Nicole to my knowledge. He chuckled also, before stopping suddenly.

"Yeah.." He got awkward, obviously remembering that fact too. "I'll come over, and talk to you then, there's a few things to go through if you're going to be coming with me." He said, seriousness in his voice.

"Okay, I'll see you when you get here" 

"See you then." He said, before the call ended.

I knew I had to get packing quick, but there was still that pit in my stomach that made me feel like today just wouldn't go so smoothly. Like something would go wrong, or he'd tell me that leaving today wasn't a good idea - anything. I was finally more than ready to leave. The only thing that I for once knew that I actually wanted and needed was him.

I walked into the closet, knowing that if I was moving, I couldn't take everything. I just had to take what was important first, and ask Kara or my mom to send everything over at a later date. I started folding clothes into my suitcase when I heard a knock at the door, it was Brian's usual knock that he had done since I had met him.

"It's open!" I yelled from the doorway in my bedroom, before heading back to putting more clothes in my case. Two minutes later I heard someone walk into my room behind me, and as I turned around I was face to face with Brian, holding James casually. It always made me smile how he would just carry James around like a monkey most of the time when he was here, it made me laugh even more that James would always let him, he liked nothing more than being on the floor, crawling around and causing havoc. "Hey" I said quietly through a smile.

"Hey" he said back just as softly. I think it had gotten to the point where we weren't sure how to greet one another. I had just dumped my boyfriend, told Brian that I would leave to be with him, but he still had a girlfriend. Do we hug, do we kiss, do we settle with a softly spoken 'hey'? I guess it would be the last one.

"I feel like you have something to say.." I said, noticing his body language.

"Kinda" he sat down on the end of my bed. "I want you to come. I still think you should come. But, at first it's probably not gonna be so great. I still ha.." 

"Have a girlfriend. Yeah, I know." 

"I can't finish it over a phone call or a text. She knows about us, too. Which makes me say this. She'll be gunning for me as soon as I get home anyway, so if she knew that you were there too - and moving in with me at that - she'd probably gun for you first."

Ah, the logic of the female brain.

"I just don't care anymore. We might as well get all of the shit out in one go." I said, completely and utterly meaning that.

"I completely agree with you. I just wanted to make sure that you were aware and ready." 

"I am more than ready" I smiled, stepping forward in between his legs, careful of James who was sitting on his thigh, Placing my hands on either side of his head as he looked up at me. "This is way overdue." I said, leaning down and kissing him. "I love you" 

"I love you too." He said, as I stepped back.

"Do you feel like getting James's stuff together?" I asked him, as I finished up my case. "All of his stuff will literally just fit into one case, so you won't miss anything." He nodded, before heading out of the room, James still comfortable gripping to his shoulder. They were honesly too cute for me to even put into words.

 

-

After we had landed in New York, we made the cab drive to Staten Island, and as we pulled up into his street, I heard a confused mutter from Brian as he looked out of the window.

"What, what is it?" I asked, wondering what he had noticed that I didn't.

"Hang on.." He said, still sounding confused as he got out of the cab, fumbling for his keys in his pocket before opening his garage door. "They're gone?" He said, before turning around towards me. Unclipping James' car seat and getting him out, I turned around to see what on earth he was talking about.

"What?" I questioned, still not catching on.

"My car and my motorcycle, they're gone."

"What do you mean they're gone? They can't just disappear." I said, before the reality of the situation hit me. "Maybe there's a good explanation for this. You didn't give Nicole a key, did you?"   
He looked at me with a blank expression, pursing his lips before nodding slowly. "Oh god, Brian. You're such an idiot sometimes.." I said, shaking my head. "Let's just.. Get our stuff out of the car, and then we'll make a few calls. It shouldn't be that hard to track down the whereabouts of a red jeep on Staten Island." I tried my best to joke so that he wouldn't be so worried. But that was probably useless, both his car and his motorcycles were his babies. Along with James, of course. 

As we made our way into his house, I saw Brian searching through the kitchen drawers. 

"The keys for both are definitely gone." He leant his elbows against the counter top, placing his face in the palms of his hands before rubbing his face. He leant forward, taking the landline phone out of it's cradle, dialing a number and holding it up to his ear. "Sal? Have you heard or seen anything weird these past few days?" Brian asked, trying his best to keep composure. All I could do was watch as I bounced James around the kitchen. "My car and motorcycle are both gone. No I'm not playing around." He said, turning to look towards me shaking his head. "Alright, I'll see you soon." He said, returning the phone to it's cradle. "Sal's on his way over." 

"Does he know anything?" I asked.

"I don't think so, but he'll know more people to call to find out." 

"Why don't we just call Nicole?" I asked, almost dumbfounded that that wasn't our first instinct.

"Are you kidding me? For her to get mad that we blamed this on her, even if it is her? That's how her mind works." 

I heard Brian's front door open before Sal walked into the kitchen to join us.

"Front door unlocked? You guys are brave." He chuckled, before noticing the stress on our faces. He held his arms out towards James, taking him from my grasp. "I mean, it's gotta be Nicole, right? Who else would this be? Yous two are fucking, she knows, she's gonna strike you where it hurts." Brian had obviously finally been keeping Sal up to date with the truth over the last few days. "She can't legally sell anything without you to even counter sign the forms. They're both in your name."

"She could still do it. There are covering letters where you can get the owner to authorise the sale even if they're not there. How good is she at forging your signature?" I asked.

"She could copy it of anything in this house." Brian groaned.

"So get her for fraud? You weren't here, she can't get away with anything. You have proof with flight tickets that you weren't even in the state. She's done for, dude." Sal chimed in, making me glad that he was here. The points were nothing more than the truth, we would get his stuff back sooner rather than later.

"But how do we go about this? We can't just call her up asking her to give me my rides back." Brian said.

"You're just going to have to suck it up and go out with her, grovel, anything to just get an admittance." Sal said through making faces at James.

"And you'll be okay with that?" Brian asked, turning towards me. I shrugged, obviously not okay but there was nothing else that he could have done, this was probably the only way.

"It's fine." I said, but he knew better than to believe me. Before he had the chance to open his mouth, I made sure to get my word in first. "Just go, do it, get your keys or find out where they are and then break it off with her." 

"You feel like giving me a lift?" Brian turned towards Sal.

Sal passed James back to me, smoothing his hair down on his small head, before looking me in the eye. 

"Don't worry so much. It'll be alright." He said, before pulling his car keys out of his pocket. "C'mon man" he said, walking towards the door.

"I won't do anything stupid." Brian stopped before me. "I'll be back before you know it." 

I nodded at his words before he planted a kiss on the top of my head, following Sal out of the house. I made sure that I would be the one to lock the door behind them, wishing that I could just as easily lock the thoughts of him being in Nicole's presence out of my head just as easily.


	24. 24

It was coming up for 10pm, and I was slumped on one of Brian's couches awaiting for him to return still. James was fast asleep, resting his cheek on my chest. He was having a hard time settling not being in his usual crib, so it looked like he would be staying by my side tonight. 

I was beginning to wonder what was taking him so long, and I stopped every part of me that wanted to text him and see what was going on. We were about to start afresh with our relationship, the last thing that I wanted to make him think was that I didn't trust him already. 

My eyes were starting to get heavy, and I tried so hard to keep them open, but there was no chance that I would be awake within the next five minutes. Scooping James up carefully, I decided to retreat us both up into Brian's bedroom. Nothing had really changed since the last time I had been there, everything was still in the same place. Even a few of the things that I had suggested him to by to spruce the place up a little.

Pulling back the blanket, I laid James down in the middle of the bed, giving Brian enough room if he were to actually return at some point tonight. Something of which I didn't want to think about. He was already with her at this very moment, the thought of that alone was already driving me crazy.

I was tying my hair up into a loose bun, when I heard a car making it's way down the street. It wasn't until I noticed the window light up slightly that the car was pulling into the drive way. Pulling back the curtains slightly, I was met with Brian climbing out of his jeep. I smiled to myself, knowing how pleased he would have been to track it down. Not that we didn't know that she would have it in the first place.

"You find it alright, then?" I smiled towards him as he made his way through the front door.

"I am so glad to be home." He let out a tired chuckle as he shook his head as he hung his jacket up on the coat hook. I made my way from the middle of the stairs where I was standing, to the bottom, now standing before him. 

"Come to bed." I said, placing my arms around his neck, pushing his hair slightly out of his face. I could tell by his quietness and look that he was just as exhausted as I was.

"Where's J?" He asked. 

"He's in bed too." I smiled up at him, before turning around and making my way slowly and quietly up the stairs, him following smoothly behind.

"Oh so that's what we're dealing with, huh?" He laughed as we both stood before the bed, looking down at James who was now sprawled out sideways on the bed, leaving little to no room for either Brian or myself to fit on each end.

"I guess I'm going to have to wait an extra day for those cuddles." I let out a pretend sigh, noticing Brian look over at me. He wouldn't be one to admit to wanting such affection, but I could tell in the way he looked at me that he was a little disappointed. But we both knew that there was nothing we could do about it tonight. James and I coming here wasn't a planned thing, so he didn't have his own place to sleep tonight. But I know that would be the first thing that we would be getting sorted out tomorrow, because I don't know about Brian, but I had planned on some huge amount of making up for lost time in our relationship. 

 

The next morning came soon enough, and we found ourselves sat around the table eating the breakfast that I had prepared whilst Brian was in the shower.

"I could get used to this." He announced as he pulled his plate closer towards him.

"You shouldn't. I'm not that organized." I smiled smugly towards him. "So, how'd last night go?" I asked, thinking it was a better moment than any to finally ask. 

"Brutally." He replied, taking a sip from his glass of orange juice. "We turn up and obviously enough my car was parked outside of her house." 

"And the bike?" I asked, pretty much butting in to his conversation. He just looked at me, obviously in that moment remembering how impacient I was when listening to a story. I would always start asking questions, or try to guess that outcome myself and finish their sentence. He had never complained about it being annoying, but it was definitely something that he was aware of me doing, which made my habit become that of an annoying one to me.

"I was getting there." He laughed, swallowing the bite that he had in his mouth. "She was in the garage." 

"Nicole was?" I asked, confused. Why would Nicole be in the garage?

"No, my bike." Brian asked, face still as serious as ever. 

"Oh, right." I tried my best to hide the smile that was trying to take over my face, but he noticed and wouldn't continue with his story. "No, don't do that face! I'm sorry! Finish the story!" I ushered for him to continue.

"...So Sal and I got invited in. She pretty much made it clear that she wasn't going to sell them, that she was just trying to piss me off - a story of which Sal didn't believe - he thought she was just trying to save her own skin."

"She probably was." 

"Maybe. Bu.."

"What do you mean maybe? It's kinda obvious what she was around for from the start, and for Joe to say something out of anyone, really made me believe that this girl was no good."

"Wait, what did Joe say?" Brian asked, obviously he hadn't been picking up on any kind of bad vibe from his friend. 

"That she's a gold digger. Well, not in those exact words but it was definitely implied." I said, to which he started chuckling to himself. "What's so funny?" I asked.

"I just see it now, I suppose." 

"I mean, I'm not saying this because she was your girlfriend, it was never like that. I wouldn't have even thought that about her if Joe hadn't mentioned anything." 

"Jess, I know. I know you wouldn't say anything like that." 

"And then the whole taking your jeep and bike just to, and I quote scare you? I don't buy that. You cheating on her made her see dollar signs ten times more than when you were just dating."

"No, you're right, I retract my maybe. I see it differently now." He replied, finishing off his drink.

"So where's your bike now?" I asked, noticing that he had came home in his jeep, more so hoping that he didn't have to go back to Nicole's.

"It's at Sal's. That's why I was out so long, I had to drive it to Sal's, walk back to hers and then drive my car back here. I was just about to pass out as soon as I walked through that door." 

"Speaking of passing out.." I mentioned, before looking over at James munching on a piece of bacon in his high chair. "Are we going to get a crib today? I was really hoping to have the bed to ourselves tonight.." I said, rubbing my foot on his leg under the table. I saw him try to contain the look of joy on his face, but his eyes told a different story. He was ecstatic.

"Or even better, on the way back we could drop him off at Sal's. We wouldn't wanna wake him up now." He said, the suggestiveness thick in his voice. 

"Oh it's that kind of night, is it?" I played back, knowing that he would always live up to his threats. 

"Trust me, you have no idea what you're in for." He smirked, throwing in a wink. I could feel myself becoming more than flustered, and all I wanted to do was to jump his bones at that very moment. But remembering James was right there, I had to force my body and mind to tone it down a bit.

"You can pick up your bike on the way home, too. That's if you trust me driving your precious car, that is." 

"What's mine is yours" he playfully pointed to his crotch as he stood up from the table, taking his plate and glass to the dishwasher. I was just left shaking my head at the table. He was such a moron sometimes.

                                                   -

"I'll be back in a minute, I've just gotta do something real quick." I said over Brian's shoulder as we waited in line to pay for James's crib. I knew that deciding to come shopping on a Saturday was the best opportunity to slip away into the underwear store I had seen after we had parked.

Making my way into the store with a time limit on my mind, I didn't feel rushed at all. I knew exactly what Brian liked, and I knew exactly what would get his mind racing. Looking at the lacey red lingerie, remembering his reaction the last time I had wore something similar when we first started hooking up, I wanted to try and recapture the heat from that night, or that point in our relationship in general where we couldn't bear to go an hour without touching one other.

As I was at the till paying, I noticed Q holding James, walking back to the car with an employee carrying the box containing the crib. I saw him lock his eyes on me as I walked out of the store, carrying a bag that he in no way could peak in.

"If I had known you were going in there I would have let you max out my credit card." He smirked as I walked up to his car.

"Oh really? I'll keep that in mind next time." I joked as I got into the passengers seat.

"You ready to go to uncle Sal's?" I heard Brian speaking to James as he clipped him into his car seat, James was mumbling back his baby talk in response.

"Did you remember to pick everyth-"

"Yep." Brian answered instantly, causing me to laugh to myself. I could tell he was more than impacient at this point. As soon as we were both alone I knew that I was going to be in trouble.

Climbing into the drivers seat, he looked over at me giving me a quick smile, then looking down at the bag by my feet before focusing his attention back onto starting the car.

"Relax, would you." I all but purred as I placed my hand on his thigh, rubbing it gently. He looked down at my hand before looking at me once more.

"I can't, I just wanna fuck you so bad right now." his voice low and hungry. I smiled, giving his leg a quick squeeze before removing it. My answer not being something that he needed to hear right now, he had to focus on getting us home first.

Pulling up to Sal's house, I undid my seatbelt, grabbing James' bag out of the back seat whilst Brian worked on getting his son out of the car. He didn't even bother with knocking first, he casually let himself in before he started yelling to gain Sals attention.

"No, come in Q. It would be my pleasure." Sal said sarcastically, meeting his friend standing in his hallway. Brian placed James on the floor, holding his hand whilst he decided he wanted to walk into the living room. "Hey hey, look at you, little man!" Sal said excitedly, making me realize that it was the first time he had seen James walk.

"Make sure you don't take your eyes of him for a second. I beg of you. He'll be everywhere." I almost pleaded, yet wasn't too worried. Sal had always been great with kids, I had seem him with his nieces and Joes daughter. 

"I'm assuming this is a long night of reconciliation on the cards?" Sal mocked as he tried to distract James with a stuffed toy that I had brought over. "Actually, I don't even know why I asked. I don't wanna know. You two get going, don't let me keep you." Sal started flapping his hands towards the both of us. I knelt down before James, giving him a big squeeze and a kiss before handing Sal his bag of things. I looked over at Brian now rubbing his sons hair, saying his goodnights also. 

"Thank you so much for this, Sal" I gave him a quick hug before we walked out of the house. "Bye James!" I made sure I yelled before closing the door behind me.

"Attachment issues." Brian muttered under his breath purposely so I would hear him. 

"Speaking of which, are you getting your motorcycle?" I questioned.

"No." Brian crept up behind me, wrapping his hands around my stomach, planting kisses to my ear and neck. "I'll get it tomorrow, I just want to get you home." I giggled as the vibrations from his voice sent tingles down my spine.

"Not here, hurry up and get into the car." I said, pulling his arms away from me, noticing that his little move was slowing us down completely. Yet alone in front of the whole neighborhood.

It took us no longer than five minutes to get home instead of the usual 15 minute journey from Sals house, and I'm almost certain that we ran at least two red lights on the way. As soon as we stepped inside his house, his hands reattached themselves to me once more. I turned around, throwing my arms around his neck, leaning my head back, very much enjoying the assault of kisses that he was planting on my neck in that moment.

"Upstairs" he said once he had pulled away swiftly, looking towards the stairs before I turned around and began making my way up them. I realized there must have been a reason that he wanted me to go before him when I felt his hand hitting my ass on the way up. Once we both got to the landing, I made sure to stop. Brian seeming confused by this as he stood before me. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"I need to get changed, go and get comfortable, I'll be right there." I said, before running back down the stairs and grabbing the bag, making my way back upstairs again and into the bathroom. 

I pulled on the sexy two piece, along with the thigh high stockings, something Brian had always liked the look of when I had worn them on previous occasions. As I checked myself over in the mirror, I heard my phone vibrate in the pocket of the sweater that I had been wearing. It was Sal, letting me know that James was finally settled after being a little upset once we had first left. I sat on the edge of the tub, typing a reply before remembering poor Brian was probably going insane in the next room.

Little did I know insane was the last thing that he would be, as I walked into the bedroom I was met with the faint sounds of his breathing and he laid on the bed fast asleep. I was no longer than ten minutes and he had somehow seized that opportunity to fall asleep. The life of being a parent, I suppose. 

Deciding to throw in the towel on our night of seduction, I started to crawl up next to him, laying down on top of the blanket also, when I felt his arms snake around my waist, pulling me tightly into his chest. 

"You ready?" He asked, half asleep, his eyes not even open to realize that I had in fact changed.

"Really?!" I sat up, looking down at him laughing."You were just fast asleep!" 

"And now I'm not" he said, noticing my change of outfit, pulling himself up so he was now propping himself up by his elbows, looking me up and down. "Stand up, I wanna see you properly." I climbed off the bed, for the first time in a long time feeling completely confident in my body. It was only around Brian that I would feel this way, even on the worst of days. "Damn, not too shabby" Brian exclaimed, as I laughed at his response.

"You promise you're going to stay awake now?" I asked, as I crawled back onto the bed, kneeling on all fours before him.

"Your sex talk is getting bad." He just above whispered, looking me deep into the eyes.

"I'm sorry, I meant are you finally going to fuck me just as good as I want you to or are you too tired?" I half mocked his suggestion by incorporating the tease on his sleeping habit. It was enough to drive him crazy as he grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me onto my back, wasting no time as he hovered above me. 

"What are you trying to insinuate here?" His dominant side turning me on more and more every second.

"I'm not insinuating anything" I chuckled from beneath him.

"Oh really? Because it sounds like you're implying that I won't be able to keep up." 

"Well how about you show me that you can, old man?" I raised my eyebrows suggestively beneath him. He instantly leaned in, closing the little distance between our bodies as his tongue already dove it's way into my mouth and against mine. His kiss was hungry, and I could feel the amount of built up sexual frustration that he had gained throughout the day as our lips and tongue entangled together.

He began working his kisses down my neck, to my chest, all the way down to my panties. I anticipated what was to come next, always ready for my favorite part of getting him into bed. He pulled down my panties, and I watched as he licked his lips slightly as he pulled them down and off my legs completely.  As he parted my legs, I felt his warm breath against my skin before I felt the contact of his tongue attach himself to my core.

"Finally" my voice almost non existent as I tried to speak whilst inhaling. He pulled all of the right moves he had known I had enjoyed most over the time we had known each other at such an intimate level.

I felt him run a finger down my folds, before he entered the digit, thus combing the two different kinds of pleasure, enough to have me squirming beneath him already. The feeling of his rough, coarse beard, mixed with the soft warm texture of his tongue was enough to drive just about any girl insane, I was just glad and lucky enough to be the one he got to do it to.

He began moving his trail of kisses back up my stomach, and to my neck once more, reaching his hand behind my back and undoing my bra with just one hand - a skill that even I hadn't mastered yet. He brought his hands instantly to my now bare chest, squeezing my boobs before his tongue slowly teased my left nipple, a couple of seconds later repeating it on the other. I moaned beneath him, running my fingers through his hair as I let him do what he pleased with my body.

Parting away from me slightly, I laid on my back watching as he pulled at his belt buckle, his eyes darting from what he was doing, to me laid there beside him, holding my breasts in my hands, teasing him gently. He swiftly pulled his pants off, along with his boxesr shorts, his boner already as hard as they came standing to attention.

"Wasting no time tonight, are we?" I questioned as he pulled of his shirt, he once again didn't answer me with words, he instead used his actions. Gripping under my thighs, he pulled me closer to him, sliding himself into me instantly with no warning. "Brian!" I gasped, not prepared for such a direct approach. He was in the zone once more where nothing would snap him out of it until he had finished what he had came to do, one of the things I enjoyed most about him. He immediately started pounding into me, squeezing my thighs tightly, sure enough to be leaving marks. "Oh my god." I moaned, not knowing how to handle the intensity so early on. I grabbed the covers beneath me, squeezing it as hard as I could as he continued to go at an unruly pace.

"This is what you wanted, huh? You wanted me to fuck your sweet little pussy?" He panted from above me as he continued to thrust. 

"Uh huh, yes" I said in between moans, barely being able to form my words.

"What was that?" 

"Yes, yes that is exactly what I wanted!" I squealed as he moved his grip to my hips, pulling me even closer to him, hitting even deeper than he had already managed in the first place.

He placed his fingers above my clit, rubbing his fingers with just as much intensity as his pace. The pressure beginning to build in the pit of my stomach as my face started to tense up.

"Go on baby, cum for me." He purred as he watched me whither beneath him as my body contracted around his length. "That feels so fucking good." He moaned at the feeling of my orgasm around his member.

My heart was still racing as I knelt on shaky limbs, my turn to now push him onto his back, throwing my leg over his waist, watching himself disappear inside of me. He hissed as I rocked my hips slowly, before leaning my hands on his chest, speeding up my movements.

"Jess" he moaned beneath me, his face glistening from the sweat he had mustered up from our intense session.

"Yes, my love?" I purred from above him, watching as he clenched his eyes shut, his eyebrows furrowing together.

"Just, fuck. That, right there. Keep doing that." He huffed as I continued to grind my hips in a circle of 8 motion. "Yeah don't stop, fuck." He growled as I felt him release inside of me, his grip tightening intensely on my thigh as the other held onto my hip. I slowed my pace down, letting him ride out his high completely before I laid above him, planting quick pecks to his lips before sliding next to him in bed.

"I take everything back, by the way" I looked up at him as he put his arm around me, pulling me closer whilst chuckling.

"You know what? I had this funny feeling that you would." He continued to chuckle, as I ran my hand in circles over his chest. Looking over at the time, I had noticed that it was only just coming up for 8pm. I looked back towards Brian, noticing that his eyes were becoming heavier and heavier by the second. 

"Sleep, baby." I whispered, rubbing my hands through his hair, pushing it back and out of his eyes. The closeness in the moment was something I had missed very much. And something I would be sure to never let go off again.


End file.
